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MISSIONARY JOURNAL OF JOSEPHINE CLUFF JONES KIMBALL
Entries made from May 1904 - September 1905
 
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Josephine (above) (or, Nonnie, as called by her decendants, and Josie as called by her extended family and friends) is the mother of Eliza Arnetta (Nettie) Phillips, who was the mother of Edward Virgil Phillips, who was the father of David R. Phillips, who was the father of Preston, Elliott, Camille, and Starr Phillips.   David R. Phlillips
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Josephine (Jo) ( and Granny Jo) Phillips McBride--spouse of Darvil Burns McBride, is also the daughter of Eliza Arnetta (Nettie) Phillips and the brother of Edward Virgil Phillips above. Josephine Phillips McBride is the mother of Darvil David (Mac) McBride, Jon Robert McBride and Sally Jo McBride Porter Butterfield. Josephine was named after her grandmother, “Josephine.” (Just one name, without a middle name, of which she is appropriatly proud.) This is 20 April 2005; she will be 93 years old June 8.

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The following explanation is by Josephine Phillips McBride (Granddaughter of Josephine):  "I feel sure the first 6 months of Nonnie's journal -- after being called as a missionary assigned at times to work at the LDS Pavilion of the World's Fair in St. Louis, 1904 -- has been lost. She would surely have told of her feelings about being called; of leaving her two children even though they were grown; of leaving her home and profession and beloved sisters and brothers; of her leaving home; of the trip itself; of her arrival at the mission headquarters and locating; and of other earlier Fair experiences instead of just as it was closing.  

She speaks of Jeanetta McKay, her companion, and we knoow that she was the sister of David O. McKay. Wwe also know that because of her ill health, her mother and father (Senator McKay) arrived in the mission early to take her home. Note:  Entries are numbered to coincide with the journal pages.    David R. Phlillips
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Diary Begins  

1.  St. Louis - Nov. 28, 1904 - Sunday was six months since my mission to the Central States began, and nearly seven since I left home.  How rapidly the time has flown and how pleasantly.  It is so pleasant a task to learn the principles of the Gospel of our Lord

and Savior Jesus Christ, and try to apply them in our daily life as well as in our missionary work.  Elder Stratford, who has been absent nearly three months, tells me he sees a wonderful improvement in my knowledge and explanations.  This encourages me for I had begun to think there was no improvement in me, that is, visibly.  I feel stronger in the gospel and know that
2.  every day my testimony is being strengthened, and I feel that I can live a better life, one nearer my Heavenly Father, that I ever did before.  It is my honest and sincere prayer that I may do this, and teach my children the right way to go.  Today I was caught in a tie-up in the car line. I was going out and the car ran off the track and after two hours of switching around through cars, we're finally now back, to the fairgrounds to carry those who had waited so long.  It was after
12 p.m. when I reached there and then the motor car would go only as far as the State Street entrance.  So, distributing my tracts as I went, I just went
3.  through the Government building, Manufactures, Liberal Arts and through to the Casino and got a
Missouri book for Senator McKay, who thanked me most heartily.  Then back to the State house; met Sister Martin and took in the fair, a part of it at least.  We had a nice, sociable time and bought a few trinkets at the souvenir stands.  In the evening Pres. McRae and Pres. Shurtliff came in and we spent a most agreeable and instructive evening.  All of us were in the parlor and when we are together we enjoy the spirit of the Lord.  Mother McKay is too ill yet to return to her home for a few days. 

4.  Feb. 1st - Tonight the Fair closes, and after all I wonder whether I am glad or sorry.  I can tell better in a few weeks.  The work here has been very pleasant and at times it has been hard, but there are many other conditions in life that might be far worse.  Today the children of St. Louis were admitted into the grounds free of charge, and pandemonium reigned in the buildings.  They were into everything possible.  So we just put up the chains and shut up the booths.  So many apples were taken from the Horticulture building that they closed it at eleven o'clock this morning. 

5.  I had a most interesting and satisfactory conversation with a highly educated and liberal minded man this evening just before time to close up.  It began about Mormon women.  I gave him a spray from the vines as a souvenir, and said "Whom shall I thank for this?"  I said "A Mormon woman."  Then he asked me numberless questions regarding our faith and customs.  Of course, polygamy was a leading feature and I admired the delicate way in which he asked about it, and his liberal views in regard to religion.  He had heard that Mormons were the happiest people in the world, that there was more purity and virtue
6.  among them, that they are more devoted to their religion than many people on earth, all of which I assured him was strictly true.  He asked for literature and I will send him some soon.  He seemed much interested in every subject touched upon and I hope the little seed is sown in his heart that will bear rich fruit.  I am very thankful that I have had the privilege of bearing my testimony to so many people here at this Fair.  I realize it is a privilege and a great one, - one which ----- I fully appreciate.  People in every state in the
U.S.----, besides foreign countries, have heard my testimony of the divinity of Joseph's mission.

7.  I feel sometimes that a poor, weak, mortal was chosen when I was to be an ambassador in Christ's name, for I never satisfy myself, and after a conversation, I can always think of how much plainer I might have put it, or perhaps did not say the right thing in the right place.  Brother McKay gives me great comfort and has faith in me that I shall do a good work.  Heavenly Father, help me to do it, and keep true and pure before them.  This morning I gave "Christ's first Coming."  How beautiful to know that in that grand council which was called in Heaven, we all had a voice in and knew, partially, what our coming
8.  here to earth and taking a body meant - Salvation and with keeping God's commandments we might be exalted in his Kingdom with him.  I learned a passage of scripture going out today which is found in John
4:14, "and whoever drinketh of the waters that I shall give him shall never thirst.  But the water that I shall give him shall be in him as a wall of water springing up into lasting life." 

7.  It seems impossible to write today in my book.  For two days I have had to stay in on account of taking a chill on Monday at the Agriculture Building, and I have been quite unwell since.  I do some studying however
9.  and try to keep up with ---.  Sister McKay has returned to her home with her parents.  She is a lovely character and I shall not meet one in all this missionary field I love like her.  Her mother and father gave me a most cordial invitation to visit them and stay as long as I would when I come home or rather go to
Ogden.  The evening before she left we had a nice little sociable in the parlor with ourselves and a few invited guests.  All kinds of refreshments were served and we had singing and music and speeches.  I miss her so very much both as a friend and companion.  Her mission was for six months yet she did a vast amount of good.  We have no 10. organist and our singing sounds flat and uninteresting.  When Sister Duffin comes things will be better arranged.

Dec. 13.  Our first snowstorm fell beginning Sunday afternoon, slowly and silently until the ground was covered by a pure, white coat.  Our Sunday meeting was not very well attended and there being a scarcity of speakers Brother Wootin called me to speak.  I responded with fear and trembling and spoke on the holy ordinances of the sacrament, how it originated and out of what it grew.  The Lord blesses me when I depend and rely entirely upon Him.  Not that I spoke even well, but there is a joy and satisfaction in trying to do the 11.  bidding of those placed over me.  There were several others who spoke and our meeting was quite interesting if it was few in numbers.  The bass got wrong in the second verse of the hymn and Brother Dean closed his book with a snap and sat down.  At night our Mutual was also poorly attended on account of the snow storm.  Our subject is the authenticity of the Book of Mormon.  In the Sunday School I have been appointed Primary class teacher which office is so new to me and I feel that I shall but poorly fill in the absence of Sister McKay.  We are to have an entertainment for Christmas Sunday and the little ones are very anxious to do their best.  The religion class has also been  12.  -- put in my charge at which I am a poor teacher.  I fear and I can only do anything at it --- the aid and assistance of the Lord..  I have had several interesting letters from home.  They are strengthening and sustaining in one way if disappointing in another.  I'd rather the news entertained.  But there is a divinity that shapes our ends --- ---as we will.  Our faith in the promises of the Lord will sustain those concerned.  Yesterday Sister "B" and I went to visit the McAuley sisters and from there to Mr. and Mrs. Card who, though not L.D.S., have expressed to Sister McAuley a desire to have some of the "Mormons" come to see them.  They are an old couple and we're expecting that in the near future13.  the Master will call for them to go.  They received us very cordially, took us to the parlor and lit the fired, insisted that we stay as long as possible.  Mr Card says he is a Mormon, but thinks it not necessary to be baptized.  So we gave him a talk on baptism - the necessity of it which made him look very thoughtful and ask many questions.  Mrs. Card says she is a Methodist and will always remain so, but hopes we will come to see them just as often as we can make it convenient.  She asked us to sing and pray.  We sang "Guide Me to Thee", and "Do What is Right".  As it was getting late we closed our first cottage meeting with a prayer, I being mouth and after a pressing
14.  invitation to visit them soon, we came home through the cold air as quickly as possible.  This afternoon we attended a banquet in the dining room in celebration of the 40th anniversary of Sister Martin's birthday, and had a very pleasant time with her and a few of her old friends.  Then over to Sister Lloyd's for an hour or so after, putting out my washing, and had a good talk with her on the Gospel, also with Bro. Hicken in the parlor tonight.  He seems quite careless regarding his religion and since being social with us here, I believe he is beginning to realize that life is real, life is earnest --- to be acquainted with his wife, and the Elders have bad colds.

15.  Dec. 14.  This morning we went to visit Mrs "E" - who is not a L.D.S.and who is also bitterly opposed to her husband doing anything in the church, he being a member.  Did not find her at home.  Came back and we accompanied Sister Marin to the matinee at the Grand.  "The Sign of the Cross" was played by rather a poor company.  Came home in the cold and found father "M" with dinner ready.  Saw Bro. Dean who is much exercised by the testimony given in Washington by different witnesses in the Smoot case.  We had a long talk with him at --- but without faith it is impossible to please God.  For he that cometh to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of them that earnestly seek him. 

16.  Dec 20.  The weather still continues cold, the apartments covered with ice.  Last week I had a pleasant surprise and a very substantial present.  The R.S. of Thatcher of which organization I am a member, sent me --- as a token of good will and to assist me in defraying my missionary expenses.  It was so entirely unexpected and so welcome, that I was almost overcome for a few moments -- this thought of their kind consideration.  Those sisters have my heartfelt thanks, not more for the substantiality of it, than the loving thoughts which prompted--  We held several cottage meetings last week and they were very instructive and, I hope, did some good. 

17.  Thursday, Dec. 22nd.  Today I went to hold religion class and called on Sister Lockett who has a young babe.  She has three sweet children who belong to my S. S. class and are regular attendants.  While the mother belongs to the L.D.S. church and tries to have her children taught in the gospel, the father does not belong and will not allow his children to be baptized, at least until they are older.  The three have now reached the years of accountability and would like to be baptized, which wish I hope they will some day soon realize.  I had a very pleasant visit at Sister Payton's.  Mr. Payton was there and although he is very narrow in his views regarding some things, still on others very sensible.  While he does 18.  not believe in the religion of Christ, he has a great many liberal views concerning them, and I do hope and pray that for the sake of their families if not for their own, they will some day join the church, that is Mr. Lockett and Mr. Payton.  We had a Religion class in Sister Payton's parlor as usual, with five in attendance, and a very enjoyable half hour.  The children seem to be very much interested in their work and take a great delight in learning.  We are arranging a small organ for Sunday services, it being Christmas day.  After class ended, I remained until six talking with the Payton's on different principles of the Gospel and returned home just in time for dinner.

19.  Friday - December 23, 1904 - Today I did no work particular.  Went and had some dentistry attended to, also my photo taken.  Then Sister Boley and I went shopping in the rain which was not so pleasant, and bought a few gifts for the Elders and inmates of the house.  A snow is predicted and one of the lady-clerks said "If we have a brown Christmas it will make a fat graveyard."  So, of course, all were wishing for a snow.  On coming home I was agreeably surprised to find a Christmas bundle from home, containing a new pair of shoes and other necessities for which I felt my appreciation.  On top of all was a piece of mince pie my Nettie had shipped in and oh, it was so good.  There was also a box of bon-jours which I 20.  passed to the Elders.  Also a very small bite of the pie, both of which they wished they had more, and --- that Arizona - the little -- significant arid strip - could produce anything so delicious.  Took the remainder and enjoyed it myself.  This pie had such a "homey" taste, and made me think of last -- this time.  I have had letters from so many relatives and friends this week, and not a day has passed but some little token has reached me from some loving friend or relative.  My sisters all remember me.  I try not to think of me, but in the silent hours of the night I have to let my thoughts carry me home to my loved children,-- and a prayer for their eternal welfare fills my heart.

21.  24th - This has been a very busy day for us all.  I did Sr. Martin's ironing this morning and helped to make candy for our guests which numbered about twenty.  The door bell has been on a continual ring this whole day so we got to saying "another Christmas gift", and all break for the door.  The Elders and Brother Martin have helped us in whatever they could do, and have made themselves generally useful.  I got tired of the confusion and noise so taking some tracts about two o'clock, I went out for a while, and had some very good conversations with some ladies while they made their Christmas cake or mopped their front door-steps.  I felt much better and soothed, so --- over on --- looked up some Christmas cards 22. -- my Sunday School class then on home.  The rain was falling -- heapidly, but I felt repaid for carrying out and distributing my 27 tracts.  After dinner Bro. Martin and I decorated the parlor and dining room in honor of the next day.  Sister B. and I filled the Elder's socks.  We went down in the laundry where they hung, took them a few potatoes and apples, came up and carefully rolled each in some paper, putting a pretty tie in them too, these on top with a musical instrument projecting from the top.  We then took a stout string, pinned them to it, tying one end to their door knobs and the other end to a convenient closet door.  It was twelve o'clock when we went to bed, and my tired Elder S. feels keenly 23.  this separation from his young wife, and the babe he has never seen.  One can tell he is a "mother's boy" for he loves to tell of his mother, sisters, and wife and baby.  He is a very manly boy; very aristocratic, and only 23 years old.  We all think a great deal of him as, in fact, we do of all the Elders.  Each has his distinct individuality and good qualities though in a different way.  We all feel keenly this separation from our loved ones, and express our sympathy to each other more by action than looks or words.  There are times when one cannot talk of some things.  We realize we are in God's hands and trying to do His will, if it were not for the comfort in this thought, our being away would be bad indeed. --- --- the Elders 24.  have received letters and tokens from relatives and friends and we are glad for we sympathize with them in their sorrow and their joy.  Oh what would we do in this cold and unbelieving world were it not for the love and sympathy of our dear ones, and especially those who are separated from all they love most dearly.  --- formed among missionaries are so strong that I believe they last throughout the eternities.  I trust it will be so for there is no people with whom I would rather associate than the missionaries we met in the Central States.

25th - Sunday.. Christmas day - The first in my life to spend away from my darling children.  I hope 25.  they are happy today.  When I rose this morning my first thoughts and prayers were for them, that in the coming year they might be blessed, prosper, and progress in the work of the Lord.  That they might more fully understand and comprehend the necessity of living more correct lives.  I will not think of home today more than I can possibly help for fear I lose control of my feelings.  Our meeting and exercises were very successful.  The little ones did very well in their part of the program.  I had to waken Bernie and Charlie who had fallen asleep in their chairs.  Their singing was very good indeed.  Sister ---, Elder Wootton, talked on why we celebrate Christmas, Elder 26.  --- sang "Kind Words", Sister Cluff (Note: Nonnie) recited "Jamie". Sister P. read and altogether we had a very enjoyable time.  My especial guests were the McAuley girls and we came home together with the Elders.  I found a letter from Sister Bessie, a card from Lavinia --- and a letter from  -- Janetta (McKay), all containing many happy wishes for Christmas and New Years.  Very soon our guests began to arrive and the house---.  There was much noise, talk, laughter, singing, and conversation, in which all joined.  ---Lilly and Katie who are so very ---.  Dinner was a grand success, for Sister Martin knows how to cook well.  Twenty of us seated ourselves at the board and Bro. --Dean returned thanks.  We 27.  were a long time at this table, but everything must have an end so we adjourned to the parlor when each had expressed himself satisfied.  Our guests remained for the evening and departed at a late hour, each wondering where we would be next Christmas.  The boys from the college are bright, witty, fellows and made a great deal of fun for us all.  So ends my St. Louis Christmas.  So much in my life has been revolutionized in the last year.  After a calm, even --- of fourteen years that I shall not even try to imagine where of what I shall be in one year from this time.  But whatever comes, I hope I may be able to stand firm and steadfast in the faith.

28. Dec. 26th.  Today by the second mail came a lovely fruit cake from Cynthia (Layton) -- and handkerchief from (Lee).  It makes me feel almost unworthy, or very humble at least, when my friends are so kind and thoughtful and amid the multiplicity of cases and responsibilities surrounding Cynthia's life.  I know the Lord will bless her for her good and kind remembrances to a missionary.  I have received so many letters and tokens that it makes me very happy to know that I am not forgotten, and so many have an interest in my welfare.  -- this afternoon we went to --- coliseum to see the poor families have their Christmas
29. dinner but was just too late as the police were closing.  We strolled down
Olive St., went in some book stores, purchased some sheet music and came home.  After dinner Bro. and Sister Martin and I went to the Crawford Theater and witnessed a very poor play called "The Charity Nurse."  The plot was very good but the acting was poorly done, the staging fairly good.

Dec. 27th, 1904I have several times proposed having class in the morning but the proposal is met in silence.  It seems so aimless to useless and wrong to be here doing nothing toward our work and besides our expenses, that feel condemned and put in the
30.  --- reading and studying.  This afternoon we went to the --- to see the play called "The ---" which was very good. -- I came home hoping to find a letter from Nettie but none came, so I am much disappointed.  Just one year today she was married.  As I sat in the Theater, my mind reverted back over that year, and I question if either of us is happier or better for the time that is passed.  I cannot reconcile my self to a few changes that have taken place.  It may be selfishness, I cannot say, but some things puzzle me.  But I feel that the Lord can bring thing around alright if we are but patient and trust in Him.

31.  Dec. 29.  The old year is drawing to a close, but few more days are left.  Not having felt very well for a few weeks past, I decided to take (calomet?) today so this morning I began.  It has made me quite indisposed all day but trust it may be for my health's benefit in the end.  The Elders all went out to the Fairgrounds today to wind up the last of their affairs, and having done so satisfactorily, came home feeling quite lively.  Sister Martin went to call on her friends, the Ashley's, so Sister B. and I had the house to oversee.  How silent it was for hours and I quite appreciated it myself, though Sister B. didn't.

32.  Dec. 30 - 04. This morning I went down town to do a little shopping.  One would --- to see the number of people on the streets that this holiday -- just coming on.  Dense throngs at the crossings and it requires a policeman to keep the people from being run over by cars and vehicles of all descriptions.  My photos were not finished so I took the streetcar and went on up into North St. Louis -- at the McAuley home, found them out then went on to Mr. Cards.  He was very glad to see me as his wife was washing and he alone.  He tells me he has been an invalid for fourteen years from asthma and felt unusually ailing this ---.  He loves to talk of the 33. principles of the gospel and we had a very entertaining conversation.  Very soon Mrs. Card left her work and came in to join the conversation.  She is a strong character and her husband is very anxious that she should see as he does.  But although she is favorable and is very much attached to all the Latter Day Saints she has met, yet she tells me every time I go that she will live and die a Methodist.  Before leaving, at their request, I prayed with them, and they seemed to appreciate my visit very much.  I came home in the hope of hearing from Nettie, but no letter.  It is now eleven days since I heard from her. 

34.  Dec. 31st.  The last day of the old year and tomorrow ushers in another year book of life whose pages I trust, mine at least - will be without blemish at the end.  It is so easy to make good resolutions but sometimes hard to keep them.  We need not unless we seek at the right fountain.  A beautiful passage comes to mind in John: 4, that "whoso drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst.  But the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."  What a beautiful promise to us, the children of God, but few seem to seek often those blessings and promises. 

35.  This afternoon I went down town to get my photos, they not being finished.  I went to see the celebrated actress Ada R--- in "The Taming of a Shrew."  She is inimitable in that character and her support, Mr. Richmond is simply splendid.  I walked down Olive Street a ways wondering what so many people could find on the street to be crossing and re-crossing, then happened to think it is New's Year's eve, when such crowd might be expected on the streets.  Came home in time for dinner hoping to hear from home, but there was no letter.  I cannot account for her silence.  These are the last words I shall write in my book this year.  Good bye old year.  You have brought me many pleasure as well as pain. 

36.  Jan 1 - 1905.  May the few remaining pages of my life be without spot of blemish, just as I now write this clean white page.  May I through my faithfulness enter into His rest when my time in mortality id done.  --- could push ajar these gates of life understand within and all God's work --- see.  -- interpret all this doubt and strife -- for each mystery find there the key.  --not today.  Then rest content -- heart. --plans like lilies white and -- unfold -- must not tear the cloth?----leave apart -- will reveal the --- of gold.  --if through patient toil we --- the land. 

37.  Where tired feet with sandals loosed may rest, where we shall clearly know and understand.  I think that we shall say God knew the best. Our Sunday school and meetings are always good, but both seemed especially good this morning.  It may have been because it was a fast day and my heart seemed tuned to a good spirit.  Certain it is that I have never enjoyed any Sunday so much since leaving home.  A good spirit prevailed everywhere, and although a re-organized Broth. a Mr. Mason of Apostasy fame years ago in Utah, visited 38.  our S.S. and meeting, he had no power to arm our perfect enjoyment of this day. The little --- in the Primary class all spoke voluntarily and sang sweetly; it made my heart ---.  The singing was very good and our sacramental services had a lovely influence, testimonies were borne and very beautiful ones were listened to.  I spent this afternoon and evening in reading and writing.  So ends the first day of the New Year.  May every one be as peaceful and --- and happy as this one and I hope to realize every desire of my heart in righteousness before the Lord. 

39.  Jan. 2nd 1905 -  It has rained and snowed all day making it very hard to get out.  I have kept in the house closely for a pain in my head seems to be increasing.  I am reading the life of P. P. Pratt and there is so much in his life similar to the Apostles of old, that it has a strange fascination for me.  I have recently read The Acts of the Apostles and learned a great deal about their lives.  What true Christians they were and how boldly they preached repentance to the people in those days.  Peter was surely a man of God, as indeed they all were, to perform such miracles, and stand up for the right in the fact of such opposition.  They were not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation unto all them that believe. 

40.    I practiced singing for a while in the parlor.  Elder Lavon sang several songs among which was "I Love You Yet", a song Nettie used often to sing.  It took me back to the days in Central when we lived on the little farm.  I had both my children with me in our little home and we were so happy.  But those days can never return.  I suppose I should not mourn over them but I have never been happier than when we three could kneel at night before our Heavenly Father and ask his protection over us.  The children are grown, we are all scattered and what will be the end of it all?  A letter, at last, from Nettie tells me Wallace is over for the holidays.  I trust everything will turn out for his best good, and if the Lord will 

41.  that he may have employment at home, and not have to go back to Tombstone.  In the evening we heard Melba, the celebrated singer at the Odeon.

Jan. 3 - Today my companion and I went out to Maple Ave. and held a meeting with Mrs. Holley who is a widow.  Her parents were L.D.S. but she and her sister have drifted away from the church, and as we talked with her she seemed to feel like we might do her good.  She said when we came away "I have no prop nor backbone, if I could be with you two a month I should be a better woman the rest of my life".  Her husband has been dead twelve years.  Her parents died before  42. having their endowments, so we talked of baptism for the dead and the sacredness of the marriage covenant.  She was much interested and I doubt not the conversation will have its effect.  Cottage meeting at Mr. Cards.

Jan. 4th - We walked into N. St. Louis today to call on a few friends.  Mrs. Yoder, where we formerly roomed, was delighted to see and kissed us heartily.  Her son and wife were there besides her two children and a neighbor lady so we sang and prayed and had a most delightful meeting.  She asked us repeatedly to sing until we had sung six hymns, and they all appreciated it.  Our singing is not of the kind to boast of, but 

43.  there seems to be something attractive in it or we would not be invited again.  We try to feel what we sing and so the Lord gives us strength.  The Mrs. Y. would not listen to our coming before lunch so she tastefully prepared a hasty one in the dining room of which we partook.  After accepting an invitation to hold a meeting there next week, we took the car and got home about six o'clock.  After eating dinner Elder Spilsbury and I went to the Olympia and saw Richard Mansfield in "The Merchant of Venice", which we enjoyed very much and came home at half past eleven and found 

44.  that no one was home, all having gone to see "Camille" at the Odeon.  Quite a party of us gathered in the parlor where we talked over the merits of the plays.  This morning Elders Wootton and Spilsbury received word from Kansas City to come over and finish their mission in another conference.  We shall miss them very much, but doubtless others will come to fill their places whom we shall like equally well.  I sent my photos home to Nettie and some of my friends today.  Also received Nettie's with her baby.  It is a beautiful child (note: Dee) but Nettie looks so poor and thin I had to look many times before I could reconcile myself that it is really my Nettie.  Her face is so different, and she looks worried or overworked.  My beautiful girl, so sound and healthy and well as she used to be, and she is so changed.

Jan. 5th, 1905 - Received a letter this morning from Pres. Kimball (note: Andrew C. Kimball - St. Joseph Stake - Andrew Kimball's wife died a short time later and he married Josephine Cluff June 8, 1907) which was very encouraging to me.  He seems to have the interests of the missionaries from that stake at heart.  Everyone is good to me and mine.  I wrote to both the children today.  They can hardly reconcile themselves to my long absence.  I walked in N. St. Louis to my religion class this afternoon, and back which tired 46. me greatly.  While going, I distributed 12 tracts and had a few good talks.  No one came to class so I did not of course hold one, and felt very much disappointed as it is the first time I had not held.  Sister P. does not really understand the Gospel, for she asked me if I really believe that heavenly messengers visited the Prophet Joseph.  I was greatly astonished and gave her a talk on the visitation of those when Joseph said his first prayer in the woods, also the repeated visits of the angel Moroni, of Peter, James and John, of Elijah in the Kirtland temple, etc.  She seems to be quite weak on
47.  several of the principles and needs strength and assistance from the Lord.  I feared, so I told her, that her foundation was sandy and that she must try to get a stronger testimony of the Gospel.  She has a difficult family to control - her boys give her much trouble, and she stands alone as it were, for her husband seems very wavering and uncultured.

Jan. 6 - The snow fell in first large and then small flakes all day.  I did my washing in the morning then studied and read in the afternoon.  It seems to be like time wasted when we do not go out tracting at least a part of the day.  In the evening 48. we started out for Bro. Hertob to hold a cottage meeting, but it being so stormy, he had gone back to his work thinking we would not come.  We walked back to Market Street, took the car and came home and we three talked of many thing regarding our work until the others came in.  They had been visiting the McAuley girls just before going to Kansas City.  We shall miss them very much but a missionary must be like the soldier, ever ready, and at any moment for duty.  I have grown to love these two young Elders, for they are of sterling worth, and will yet make a name for themselves in the world. 

49.  Jan 8. - Today the storm continues but this afternoon we took our tracts under our arm and off we started.  Pulled up at Mrs. Ashley's who is a very entertaining lady.  Spent an hour with her and distributed the remainder of our tracts on or way home.  Tonight the Elders leave.

Jan. 14 - Elder D. C. Clayton cane over from Kansas City to assist us in our work.  He is very young but seems to be very well informed in the principles of the gospel.  Our tracting has begun in good earnest and tho we are treated courteously it is very coldly.  One old lady asked us 50. to go, as the principles we teach would lead young girls astray and she did not wish her granddaughter to hear us.  Had a fine little religion class last Thurs. and visited Sister Lockett.  yesterday, being crippled, I remained in doors. 

Jan. 15.  My forty fifth milestone reached today.  In looking back on the years of my life I am led to wonder if I have any more than that half fulfilled my destiny, and will the future bring me joy or sorrow?  One thing I am determined on and that is to try to spend my life or what is left of it in trying to do good to my fellow men. 

51.  One of the Elders, D. C. Clayton, had his birthday also and Sister Martin made us a lovely dinner and a large, beautiful cake.  I cut one side of it and he the other.  There was merry conversation, jests and laughter and all enjoyed the dinner.  Word came yesterday that our conference will be held in St. Joe on the 4 and 5 of Feb. and that we sisters would be retained in Kansas City after that.  This is quite a blow to me as I have the most decided horror of that place, but shall of course make the best of it, relying on the Lord to help me be reconciled.  Whatever is for my good, that I desire to do, for obedience is one of the requisites of a missionary. 52. I had hoped to finish my mission here, but it is not to be.  I want to do right anyway.  I have been anxious for a letter --- today but none came.  However, Nettie remembers my birthday I am sure. 

Jan. 23rd - We spent the week in tracting and visiting though it was bad under foot.  There are many conversations I might record that would be interesting to read but it takes so much time that I might be studying.  Pres. Duffin came in for a few hours last Thursday the 17th, his first visit since his return from Utah.  He looks --- and hearty.  We are to go 53. over to St. Joe on the 3rd to be in time for conference.  It will be pleasant to see all the Elders again.  Inclosed in a letter from John (Note: John William Jones; Nettie and Wallace's father) was $10.00 for a birthday present.  Dear fellow, I was glad to hear from him.  Nettie's letter of yesterday was full of news and one from Maggie and --- today, also one from Bro. --- congratulating me on my improved looks.  He thinks missionary work won't hurt me, but I don't know.  My left --- has bothered me considerably lately, swelling so badly I'm obliged to bandage it all the time.  I try to use wisdom for I have no desire to return home a crippled, old woman.

54.  Jan 24. - In class this morning, Elder Clayton read from Vol. I. Church History, which I have taken up, and the reading terminates with Priesthood by J. B. K.---take the place of the talks we formerly had and are very interesting and instructive, for in our conversations nearly every day something concerning one of both comes up.  Yesterday while canvassing, we were invited in by a lovely lady, Mrs. M. G. McOnmisk, 3874 Page Ave. I found her a highly intelligent member of the Christian Church and one who seems to live up to her duties according to the light she has.  We -- to her our pre-existence, this life and a future one.  She agreed in most things but when we spoke of baptism for the dead, she did not 55. agree with that, slaying when people died nothing could be done for them.  But in talking of the scriptures that prove it was practiced in Christ's day, and after, she could not but feel that it had been.  In fact, admitted that we had given her several new thoughts and opened a new field for her investigation. She said no angels had visited this earth since Christ was crucified, but when we cited her to Matt. 27:52-53, also Luke 16-6, and a few others, she acknowledged it was true, but that none ever came in these days.  We had a most excellent time, sang several songs, and prayed with her.  She kindly invited us to return some afternoon very soon and renew our conversation.  The evening was cold so we came home from there, after having ----. 56.  oday Sister B. and I went to the dressmaker to have our dresses fitted for we are to have some for conference.  Sister Ashley is making them and she is a very pleasant lady, and her husband, who is in Medical College, a very intelligent young man.  They make an excellent couple.  We did not stay long but hurried home in order not to lose our hours of work.  The light snow which fell last night was whirled around, above and below, by the piercingly cold win which threatened every moment to --- our hats.  We came home very cold indeed.  At 1 o'clock we started out to canvas.  I said to Sister B. "Let us go to Mrs. Gill's --- as she had felt impressed the -- way we went directly there 57. and received a warm welcome.  Their little Bessie was home from school.  This lady has four children whom she supports and educated them by doing hard work.  It seems that she had told the children of our visit to her home last week, and all had expressed a desire to meet us.  And especially today Bessie had hoped to see us, and her mother said perhaps they will come; and this is a great testimony to me that the spirit of the Lord often prompts us to do just the thing we should, providing we are doing our duty.  We had a lovely talk on the restoration of the Gospel for an hour.  Tehn after singing several songs and prayer we left them - Bessie in tears - with a kindly and pressing invitation to come again.  I feel
58.  that this woman and her family might be converted to the Gospel if it is properly followed up.  She, as many others do, requested that we pray for her and her children.  Next we visited an old lady, Mrs. Haem, a German peasant, who we called on one day and who did not want us to come in as "we could not tell her about God, for she had studied the bible since she could first read."  We persisted in a pleasing way in talking to her and she invited us back some time.  At first she seemed today to repel our advances, but we sang some of our songs, and the dear old lady fell in love with us immediately.  She wiped her eyes on her apron many times; her heart was touched by our simple but 59. earnest testimony and she kept us there for a long time.  We sang "Guide Me To This" and she said when she lay in her coffin she would be happy if we could come and sing some of our songs, for they sounded like angels singing.  "Oh My Father" made her sob like a child, and when we prayed for her that she might be healed of her infirmities, and blessed and strengthened in body and mind, she said "My dears, you have made me feel better than I have for a long time.  Do come and see me again and bless me as you have today."  Sister Boley and I are not singers, but there is something in the word, or the manner of our singing that touches the hearts of the hearers --- 60. and causes the tears to flow, their hearts to open up and we ourselves feel built up and strengthened.  I confess our singing sounds sweeter in cottage meetings, than anywhere else.  This much I acknowledge, that the Lord does bless us both in our talking, praying and singing. 

Jan 28.  Saturday night - The past few days have been passed in tracting and visiting among our new friends.  We have tried to bless and cheer those dear people.  when a field is opening up as it seems to be here, we feel reluctant to leave what appears splendid opportunities to do some good work.  However we are willing to do whatever we are called on to do. 61. This morning letters came from Nettie and Vernon (Note:  her sister's son), the latter who is in --- Illinois, seems to be enjoying his work very much.  He seems to be working very hard but has been laid up with rheumatism, is better now.  This afternoon we made the Sisters McCauley a visit.  They are young in the Gospel, but gaining faith and strength every day.  Their great desire to to go West and I trust their way will be opened that they may be able to go, and that very soon, as I do not like their surroundings nor their people with whom they room.  They are Catholics and their influence 62. might possibly have a bearing on the two motherless girls.  My visit to Sister Payton last Thursday was very enjoyable and I had a good talk with two of her boys.  Their bringing up has been so different from that the Latter Day Saitns children has been, that it will be hard to eradicate from their minds the improper weaknesses engendered and perhaps --- in them.  They all think of going West very soon now perhaps to remain and make a home.

Jan. 31st - Yesterday we started to make some visits - as a sort of farewell - to the saints we had not 63.  had the opportunity of seeing recently.  Called on Mrs. Grill who welcomed us with a hearty shake of the hand.  She is feeling much better than when we first talked with her.  She seems to think this religion we have been talking to her about is just what she has been looking for.  When we arrived she was reading our "Record of Living Light."  Her children she has found are the pride of her heart and she has worked very hard to give them an education.  We talked on polygamy - she introducing the subject.  It seems that she had told some of her friends of our visit and they had --- her for welcoming Mormon women into her home, but unconsciously we found she had been not only defended 64. Mormons, but had defended that principle.  At her request we sang two songs and prayed with her.  Then with tears in her eyes she bade us good bye and we went down the block to see our old lady H---.  We found her with her two canaries and two little dogs.  She was overjoyed to see us and asked for us to sing her "Weary Not" and "Oh My Father".  She said "That is beautiful, my dears, it sounds like the angels."  After spending a half hour with her, conversing on the gospel, singing, praying, with many "God bless you, my dears" and hand shakes amid tears, and fervent prayer for our safety from the dear old lady who wished she had something to give us, we 65. called on Mrs. Burrell, the lady whose husband treated us on the Pike one night to this Irish Theater and a ride on the Scenic R. R..  Foiund her washing, and the little fellow who has been ill alright and around again.  I always think it is a pity when a man and woman make the mistake of marrying when they belong to different faiths.  Such is the case in this instance.  The mother is quite indifferent to religion and teaches the children - they have their little ones - anything but reverence for her things, which naturally is a --- to the father who would like them to be taught those things which would be for their spiritual welfare.  She is just a society woman
66. but not a homemaker.  I should ---.  We said "good-bye" and walked over to Mrs.Stanley's where we found her reading a sermon of an Episcopal minister.  Leading from there we soon got on to our own Gospel, and while she still holds to her own opinion as to religion, discusses our  --- fairly and impartially.  She is a sweet women with blue eyes and light hair and is very intelligent in speaking of the current news of the times.  Before leaving she insisted that we view her china of which she has a beautiful collection.  After saying "good-bye" we took the Grand car and went to Mrs. Ashley's to see about some sewing she is doing, but found her quite 67. ill with La Grippe (Note: flu).  Sister Shoupe was there with her and we did not remain long.  We hear she is alright today.  Brother Ashley took dinner with us today.  After dinner last night we held Priesthood meeting, but as there were but three of us we were not in session long.  Elder L--- lies very ill with pneumonia and we are much distressed on his account as we would all like to go to conference together.  The physician say this crisis will --- the 2nd.  We pray constantly that he may soon recover.  It's so lonely to be ill away from ones own loved ones.  This Elder has lung trouble and a constant cough, and has been worse ever since the last few cold days at the fair. 68. Today - or rather this morning, I went into the laundry and did my washing, preparatory to my leaving as things are more homely here than I shall find them at
Kansas City.  Then we took this Suburban car out to Maple Ave. and called on Mrs. Halley who is, with her sister and daughter, very much interested in our teachings.  We spent a lovely half hour, talking and singing with her and she broke down when bidding us good-bye.  She is a most sweet woman and will, I believe, one day come into the church.  We went from there downtown and did some shopping, and then walked over to Sister P--- where we found all the family at home.  Mr. P--- is enthused of the idea 69. of going to California and making a home there for himself and family.  They are all anxious to leave St. Louis for his health gets poorer every day.  We left them regretting our having to leave, and walked on down to Mrs. Lockett's.  The children were home and we had a nice little talk on baptism. They all feel well.  Next I called and said good-bye to Mrs. Isley with whom we formerly roomed.  She is feeling and looking very well.  Our next place was Mrs. Yoder's where we roomed in August and September.  Of all our acquaintences outside the church, I think this family our most loving friend.  There was real
70.  sorrow in their tones and we all had wet eyes.  She said "I hope if we meet no more on earth we will in heaven", and our hearts echoed the same sentiment.  She asked us to pray with her which we did.  She and her daughter presented us with a collar tie and handkerchief which we appreciated, and promised to write to them at some future time.  Without further delay for it as getting late, we took the Cherokee, and changed to the Delmar and were in time for dinner.  Being detained we did not go to cottage meeting but Elder Clayton went to Mr. Card's to spend a few hours while we begin our packing. 

71.  Feb. 10, 1905 - So much has transpired since my last writing that I hardly know at what point to begin.  After the conclusion of our visits, our packing done and everything in readiness, we took the train at the Union Station - the Missouri Pacific - and after an uneventful ride of a few hours, was met at the St. Louis station by Elders Farnsworth and Edwards, and we were soon at the Mission House where a warm welcome awaited us from Pres. D. and a house full of Elders who have collected here to go up to St. Joe to conference.  A social was given that same evening by a Mrs. Duncan to which all were invited, but sister B. and I were so tired 72. we remained at home and enjoyed a quiet conversation with Pres. D. and some of the visiting Elders.  I do not think anyone can really enjoy themselves better than any people on earth.  And so it was on this evening in talking on the principles of the Gospel.  Next morning at 10:50 a.m. we took the train to St. Joe where we arrived in due time, rooms being engaged for us all at the --- Hotel by the Elders presiding at that place.  Our stay of two days, or rather three, was most pleasant and profitable, the meetings being held there the Spirit of the Lord was manifest and we recieved such instructions that was  73. profitable both to missionaries and saints, and all went from it feeling that the Lord was blessing us in abundance in doing His work.  (Note: Population of St. Joe 102,000)  Monday the 6th Sister --- and I visited a large wholsesale millenary house and several of the stores of small repute.  The City is much cleaner than either St. Louis or Kansas City.  The sun shone warm and bright, the moon glistened and we enjoyed our walk to the fullest extent.  At 2:50 p.m. we took train for Kansas City where we arrived just at dusk, the thermometer 11 degrees below zero.  Next morning class convened and we had a very interesting time as several of the departing Elders gave an interesting talk.  Tuesday afternoon, Sister Thomas 74. and I cleaned and swept the --- rooms opening into each other with folding doors making a large room for guests who were expected.  The Saints gave a reception for Pres. Dunkley and Sister who are returning home having finished their labors in the missionary field.  The evening was spent in singing, reciting, music and conversation.  (Elder Shurtliff has just read 1st Cor.14-34, and 1st Tim. 9,10,11,12, and quite a discussion followed with laughing).  Next morning --- two left on an early train amide farewells and good wishes of the remaining Elders and Sisters.  In the afternoon Sister Thomas and I set out for R. S. meeting, it being held at the house of one of the members. 

75.  After a long ride -- and a cold one ---, we --- to find  scarcely a path broken through the snow which lay a foot deep.  After trampling through it for several blocks and getting wet to our knees, we at last arrived at the door, where a warm welcome and good fire awaited us.  Some of the sisters served, others basted while I was elected to read from the history of the Prophet Joseph's life.  Two hours were thus passed pleasantly and profitably when after singing and prayer, we were directed to the car by a different route so as to avoid the snow, and returned to 1405 just at dark.  The next three days were spent in visiting friends and holding such beautiful and inspiring cottage meetings.  One such lady whom we visited 76. at the hospital was overjoyed to see Sister Thomas, who indeed seems to be an exceedingly welcome visitor whereever she goes.  We sang and prayed with this lady, Sister Sands, and then we had a conversation of the principles of the Gospel.  Several times while we sat there in the little clean white room, the Sister - or nurse - came in to see her patient treading noiselessly in her slippers and speaking very low.  Everything about the room and occupant was scrupulously clean and neat.  We left after about an hour and called on Bro. and Sister Anderson, finding them well with the exception of colds.  At this time of the year, the --- being so variable, there 77. seems to be a great deal of sickness whereever we go.

Sunday Feb. 12. - This morning we all assembled in the office at 8 a.m. for singing and prayer, and we then practiced several songs for Sunday School which, and meeting also, are held here in the parlor of the mission house.  At 9:30 a.m. attended S.S. teachers meeting which I was placed in charge of --- Intermediate class which is in the Book of Mormon.  There were several persons at the interview or meeting rather.  Then S.S. convened at 11 a.m. at which there were twenty teachers and members.  When it closed, Pres. --- asked me if I would go to Ind. with Elder Clayton who is Supt. 78. Cold, cold weather for U.S.  In the morning someone suggested my going to Ind.  I had said "Much as I should -- to go, I hope they will not send me this cold day."  For I confess the cold weather nearly does me up, and this was the coldest day since --- -4, so the K.C. Times said.  Well, when asked to go, I would not refuse, for I am trying not to let the cold get the better of me, and so say as little about it as possible.  We hurried to get our dinner for there was scarcely time to get up there for S.S.  Waiting in the street for the car, my body was sorely tried with cold - I really thought I could not stand it.  My ears, feet, hands, --- numb, and my lips could scarcely move.  After what seemed 79. hours, but in reality not more than ten minutes, the car came up, and we found it warm much to our comfort.  After an hour ride with one transfer we arrived at and delighted at the big, stone church which is owned by the Josephites, then walked up to the residence of Bro. H where we found it time for S.S.  The travel through the snow had chilled us thru and it was some little time before I could get thawed out.  We were introduced to all by Lucy whom we met at the Fair at the Sept. conference, and shared a very profitable time.  I went in the other room and said a few words to the Primary class.  There was a splendid feeling pervading every heart.  After-

80.  ward, about 5:30 p.m. dinner was served at which we all partook, there being ten persons at the table.  Altho the weather was extremely cold, and they insisted that we stay the night, we feared to do so for fear of the rules at the Mission House.  At 7 p.m. we re-assembled for regular Services.  After singing and prayer I was called to address the Saints which I did, asking the Spirit of God to direct me, and I have never felt so much before a rich outpouring of it.  I spoke of our prior existence choosing our parents and how thankful we should be that we are permitted to come forth in this great and momentous dispensation through honorable parentage.

81.  I also spoke of being --- of plural marriage, and never once during all the service have I even spoken of that but what I have felt strengthened and built up.  Elder Clayton followed with a grand talk on the duties of the saints and the obligations we owe to our Heavenly Father.  He has a fine voice and good command of language and we enjoyed his talk extremely well, for he spoke by the Spirit of God.  After singing and dismissal, the objection was again raised to my going home.  So that it was even ruled and I remained for the night.  It was indeed a cold night, registering 26 degrees below zero, so they 82. found little difficulty in keeping me.  Elder Clayton returned and spent the time until 11 o'clock talking of the early days of the church and the property and probable use - that which was recently bought.  (Note: Probable time of purchase of Temple property - Jackson County)  Uncle Andy was --- of information and many reminiscences of old times were told by him.  Lucy and I slept in the guest chamber, and for the first time since leaving home I reposed on a feather bed, and need not to say, my slumber was sound and refreshing.  Next morning after breakfast, I was taken to the --- in a sleigh, the first one I had occupied for fifteen years.  It was quite a sensation.  My eyelashes actually froze to my glasses. 

83.  On arriving at the house, I was kindly and warmly greeted, Pres. W. declaring he was glad I did not come last night in the cold.  After dinner Sister B. and I went out visiting among her friends, but the afternoon being so extremely cold, we did not stay long.  In the evening,  Priesthood testimony meeting was held at which nearly all spoke and a lovely feeling pervaded the assembly.  In the afternoon, we had had a telephone message that Pres.Duffin was snowbound at Easton, and would have to remain until the cars could get through which would be about 24 hours.  Elders Stratford and Grant accompanied him to conference at Jay. 

84.  Feb. 14.  A letter from Luke and Sister Martin came this morning.  I have not heard from home for more than two weeks and cannot imagine what is the matter.  But there have probably been heavy rains washing out the tracks.

Wednesday-  Feb. 15th.  This morning a letter came from Uncle Harvey (Note:  Her mother's brother) from whom I am very glad to hear.  In it was enclosed a clipping from the Enquirer in which Bennie ---dilates (expounds) upon the advantages of Tobasco in C. A. He seems to think that it is the making of a fine place.  Pa will come home unless Aunt consents to go South.  Uncle has at last found, through his cousin Elva Burke, 85. a link in the genealogy of Grandfather Cluff's family wich he has long desired, so that the family is now an unbroken chain of eight generations back even til our forefathers came over in 1635.  We are rejoiced to hear this.  Pres. Duffin and Pres. Ellsworth came in from Jay last night where they have been to conference.   Altho' the weather was extremely cold they had a spiritual feast.  Ten Elders also came, who were on to their fields of labor too.  The class was addressed this morning by Pres.E. who gave quite a talk on the duties of missionaries.  Pres. D. followed.  This afternoon Sister B. and I went to work at tracting 

86.  in the near neighborhood, and there invited into a lady's house who is a Scientist and had some little conversation on healing, but no impression was made, so we did not stay long.  We worked in a new neighborhood for a while then called on some friends who were delighted to have us come. We held a cottage meeting with Mrs. R. and a visiting lady, Mrs. Scott and daughter.  Had a most rich outpouring of the Spirit of the Lord, and these ladies were fervent investigators.  A Mrs. Craig also welcomed us warmly and we spent a moment in conversation with her.  She seemed interested. 

87.  Thursday.  Feb. 16. -05  In tracting today we met a variety of characters.  First a Pentacostal woman who seemed to know everything and at first she was very stiff, but gradually melted and finally we had a good little talk, principally on faith and healing.  I am disabused of the idea that there are no gifts otuside our church.  I find that the gift of healing and tongues is enjoyed by the Reorganized Church and several other denominations, whether it be good or bad I cannot say.  This lady seemed very sincere in her belief.  We afterwards called on a number of other homes and were kindly received by all save one who 88. said she knew more about the Mormons than she wanted to already.  She was very severe and sarcastic about what we thought of the old scriptures.  "Cast not your pearls before swine," so we soon left.  One lady who had four beautiful children welcomed us very warmly and was very kind.  She has a liberal heart and broad minded with no little petty insinuations.  We spent a pleasant half hour.  Next we encountered two Re-organized women who immediately jumped on us about polygamy.  They were full of contention but soon calmed down.  They denied that Joseph Smith ever taught or received revelations on plural marriage 89. or practiced it.  That she would rather see her husband hung on the gallows in disgrace than have him enter that order of marriage.  That if old Mother Eve were here she would tell her a thing or two for bringing such a curse upon the daughters of the earth as child-bearing.  And other things equally disgusting.  We reminded her of the first commandment given our parents which ws to multiply and replenish the earth, and how that command could not have been filled had they not partaken of the fruit.  She had nothing reasonable to say on this, but talked at random, so we came away, but endeavered to establish a friendly feeling. 

90.  --- 26.  Have been confined to my room with a boil on my face since Thursday, now four days.  Yesterday I could not go to S.S. or even regular Services in the ---.  Letters from home came to me, to cheer me, papers also.  And the day did not seem so long afterall.  But it is dreary work, staying in bed and so much of the Lord's work to be done.  A letter from the Southern States written by Powell Cosby who is laboring in that part, tells me he has the Spirit of his mission.  Others of our Arizona boys are soon to take up the labor here and I hope they will magnify their calling.  My face is so much better today that I shall be able to write tomorrow.

Thursday 23.  I have been steadily at work in the office except that yesterday we three went over to K.C., Kan. where we held a meeting at Sister Brown's.  The R.S. meetings are very poorly attended, there being but four members present.  We enjoyed the day very much.  The air over there is free from smoke and dust and we thought by appearance, nature seems to be put on that Spring is close at hand.  The sun looks out now and then with his smiling face to bid the earth bring forth her vegetation, and answer his smiles.  Sister Brown is a good woman, who is hampered by her large son who gets angry at times because she has joined the church.  Her husband, too, is no help to her.

92.  The work in the office is very pleasant.  The Elders all are good conversationalists and our themes are generally on the different principles of the Gospel.  We often have Elders who are taken into the sick parlor and entertained by everyone not engaged in work.  Oour time passes pleasantly and profitably.  My face is almost entirely well and next week I can resume my regular work.  Sister Morrison, to whom we all have taken such a notion, has been quite ill for two days.  As soon as her health will permit she will return to her home and family in Richfield where her husband, having finished his mission, will join her in about two months. 

93.  The work in the office is still progressing.  Our Elder here is the personification of all that is sweet, lively and innocent.  I always connect him with Joseph Smith in some indefinable way.  His forehead, nose, and hair resemble the Prophet and I never heard him speak unless he mentioned the Prophet's name in some manner.  I wonder if there is an affinity of, or congeniality or relationship of souls or spirit.  He is only 22 and a son any mother might be proud of.  We got to talking on the Book of Mormon last night and both learned something new to think.  He is so sweet to everyone.  When I was sick last week he saw that the furnace was kept going and the heat sent to my room every day. 

94.  Today while we were all writing, the bell rang and as I was near the hall door, Elder Stratford asked me to answer as he had seen somebody come up the walk.  I did and at the steps stood a tall, slight lady with restless eyes and a nervous manner.  She asked me if I remembered her, and being answered in the negative, explained that she had met me at St. Louis at the church.  Recalling the incident, I remembered that one night at visiting her mother, Sister Martin, the faithful saint, had pursuaded her daughter to come to meeting and at its close, was anxiouis for her to meet me.  At first, she refused and turned her back on me, but seeing how sadly her mother felt, I persevered and after overcoming her 95. sullenness, we had a very pleasant converation.  She told me she was a lost creature and no help could be rendered her.  I talked sympathetically with what I thought was the remorse she felt and as we parted she threw her arms around my neck saying "I would give anything to be pure as you are."  That was the last I saw of her until she stood on the steps.  I invited her in where the Elders were and we found that she had, according to her own statement, been living a pure life since she had married which was six months ago.  We found that her mother had gone to Utah to live, that she was very anxious about her, and that her husband was an infidel and she did not dare let him know she had come to see the Mormons. 

96.  She talked a great deal at random and we each heaved a sigh of relief when she had gone, for she is possessed of an evil spirit.  She joined the church nine years ago but had drifted away, and although she sometimes --- to think and act like she would like to come back, yet she seemed in fear of her husband.  She asked to come back and the Elders assented, but I fear she is not one for good. 

Feb. 25.  This afternoon sister B. and I started out to tract and had a very pleasant time.  One poor lady who is afflicted in her face with nervous twitching, kindly invited us in an seemed very intelligent on the principles of religion.  She 97. invited us to come again and talked longer.  At several places we were received kindly and at 4.00 P.M. I came home to meet Sister
--- and accompany her out to some new friends, the Sommers, where we had been invited to take supper and remain overnight.  They received us with open arms and had made great preparations for our coming.  The family consisted of father, mother, Mary and Irene, two daughters, the oldest Mary being married and whose husband is a Chief in
Oklahoma in one of the large hotels.  She is very --- and less reverential than any of the family.  They are comfortably situated and seem to have plenty.  After supper, which was a most bounteous repast, we repaired to the parlor and held one of the 98. warmest cottage meetings I ever attended.  The whole family seem --- interested in the principles of the Gospel and drink in the words they hear like thirsty flowers.  Irene is a sweet little girl who is sixteen years of age, and graduated two years ago from te business College of Carthage and is a stenographer and typewriter.  These good friends could not do enough for us and vied with each other in performing little attentions.  We were taken to a beautiful, clean room to sleep and retied about 11:40 P.M.  Next morning after breakfast we all came to Sunday School and arrived just in time to sing the first song.  These friends semed much pleased with the experience 99. returned again at night to our regular services.  They expressed themselves as much pleased and we received a cordial invitation back to visit them.

Feb. 27.  This morning a letter from Sister K. (Note: Sister K. must be Sister Olive Kimball, wife and Andrew C., mother of Spencer W.) tells me Nettie's baby (Note: Dee) has been very sick but is better.  I have not heard from her for some time and fear she has worried herself sick.  The letter this morning has made me feel rather blue all day.  This morning I continued my writing in the office and went out with Sister B. to deliver tracts.  We held two cottage meetings and had several fine conversations.  We had the spirit of the Lord in rich abundance and our words, being given with all the authority and power we could muster, were listened 100. to with great interest.  This evening we had a priesthood meeting and the sweet influence which accompanies those who strive to keep the commandments of the Lord was manifest in rich abundance.  Each one bore his testimoney and we felt built up and strengthened.

Feb. 28.  Just nine months today since I came into Kansas City.  My feelings are vastly different now and I hope I am a better woman.  I should be with the added knowledge I have gained of the Gospel and the consequences of one who strives to keep those laws and principles.  My health is better, my ideas clearer, my understanding and comprehension quicker and sounder.  So that I feel encouraged 101. in all but my speaking, in a clear, comprehensive way, and I fear I shall be a great disappointment to some of my friends when I return home. However, if I do my best that is all I can do.  In our tracting today we had some strange conversations and met many odd people.  Most of them are at least Christians who believe that the coming of the Messiah is near at hand when all things shall be made new.  Some argue that He never has and never will come.  One lady had a very sick child and she seemed to place a great confidence in us because we are missionaries.  We sang, prayed, and held a cottage meeting with her, and told her that the child would soon be better. 

102.  Mar. 1st.  The two sisters were guite ill last night and the consequences are I feel sleepy and dull today.  My lesson was "Foreordination" this morning and I came to the conclusion whjile studying it that a great majority of us had not taken the opportunities presented and thereby missed our vocation and never filled the mission our Father foreordained us to.  We will have the pleasure of seeing others fill those places we might have done.  Waht a pity we cannot sense our duties as they come one by one each day as it is lived out, and realize to the fullest extent that this life is a mere probationary school, to fit and qualify us for that great and glorious life which is to come. 

103.  I am very uneasy about matters at home.  The news of the dear little baby's sickness is so vague.  I am greatly troubled over him.  Why the mail is so long delayed I cannot imagine.  God keep my loved ones from every evil while I am away. 

Mar. 4.  The recent heavy rains have washed out the roads so badly, and the mail had been delayed, consequently my letters did not come for several days after my last entry.  But all is well and my mind is at ease.  Having heard from all my dear ones this week, I can settle down to good, solid work this ---day morning.  Through the influence of my interested friends, the position of Matron and teacher ha been secured for me in the Academy at 104. an advanced salary.  For this I am truly thankful to both my Heavenly Father and friends, that my way will be opened for me to go right in school and repair in a --- way the money I have had to spend.  The promises given me before I left home are being literally fulfilled.  The Lord blesses me every day of my life.  Our workstill continues but the results seem slow in being realized.  We go to the homes of the rich - they have no time to even talk on the Gospel.  Too many demands are made by society on their time to give a few moments to the humble missionary who stands at their door, seeking only their good and welfare for a life to come.  We go to the poorer class, and must 105. listen to their tales of wrong.  How their husbands have left them in poverty and wretchedness to consort with other women.  These tales, some of them, are sickening in their nature.  I have never thought or realized how lightly the marriage covenant is held by the people of the world, and I never realized either the sacredness of such a contract until I studied the Gospel.  If one strove to understand these things better, there would not be the mistakes made which are made every year, day, even hour.  If young people could be taught and made to understand how sacred and binding our covenants are, we would be a better and more blest people and realize that we do not live for today but for a grand and glorious 

106.  (Note: pages 106-107 missing)

108. had power, through Christ, to convert Zeezrom.  Read 31st Chapter, also --- is a magnetic speaker and all who listened were much interested.  After services all gathered in the back parlor, and Sister R., an afflicted lady, was administered to by Elders Morrison and Grant.  We had a most profitable day and I only regret being present at but one meeting. 

Mar. 6th.  This morning Pres. McRae addressed the class and his subject was faith.  He thought we should, in our writing to our families, friends and associates, try to inspire them with faith in the leaders of the church.  That in his last visit home, he had noticed a tendency on the part 109. of the young people to censure --- of the apostles and even Jos. F. Smith himself, over the Smoot investigation affair.  And that the older people talked of it disparagingly before their children, which is entirely wrong.  We could show them that the harm is not coming to the people of the world, but that the unfaithfulness of our own people, through people conversing and giving opinion upon something they do not understand, thereby engendering in the hearts of the rising generation, thoughts and feelings that will eventually upset the foundation of the structure of faith, upon which they are building.  And I believe it is necessary for a work to be done at home among our young. 

110.  He also spoke on the necessity of punctuality.  Said when the servants ofthe Lord appointed a meeting, the Lord had his heavenly messengers appointed to meet with us, and if we were not there, they might get tired of waiting and return.  Punctuality in everything is the foundation to success in life, and we cannot please our Heavenly Father better than being punctual in the things pertaining to His kingdom. 

Mar. 7.  One year ago today I received my missionary call.  How swiftly it has passed.  Yesterday while out tracting, I knocked at the door of a pleasant looking home, and it was 111. opened by a gentleman who inquired our business.  We - or at least I - told him we desired to see the lady of the house, and he said "what for?", she is my wife.  I said we were missionaries and had a message to deliver to them.  He said "I am a minister, why don't you go to those who need it.  If you are a member of the Mormon church, I decline to let you in."  And closed the door.  Of course, all we could do was to go on, so we did.  I was reminded of a passage in the Doc.& Cov. which says "In the day of judgement you shall be judges of that house and condemn them."  Section 75, vs. 20 or 21.  That is the first time I have been treated in that discourteous way.  But one gets accustomed  112. to many things out here that we do not know at home.

Mar 9.  Both sisters being indisposed today, I took my bible and tracts and went out alone.  First I visited a sick lady, Mrs. Most, who is convalescing from typhoid fever.  She is very weak, and at her request, I read the 14th chapter of Revelations to her, explaining as I went along.  Then I read and explained each of the Articles of Faith and she was much interested.  When I left she thanked me heartily and begged me to come again and every day.  I then began on Holmes street to tract where we left off the day or two before.  At the first house, I was invited to enter.  I found a dear old Baptist lady and her 113. daughter, a Mrs. Young, who were very attentive listeners, often asking questions regarding the principles of the Gospel, and the growth and development of the western country.  I was given a warm invitation to return.  I then went to six houses in succession, all of which were too busy or had sickness and could not have time for a conversation.  Two ladies refused tracts.  Running short of time, I went to call on a German lady who had invited me to see her two weeks before, but her husband being home, she asked me to call again.  I find that many of the people - ladies especially - would be much more sociable but they seem to be in fear of their husbands. 

114.  I called at another lady's to re-visit, but she was not at home.  Then I thought of Mrs. Sands at the hospital and went over to see her.  It was some distance and was very tired on my arrival.  But the pleasure that lit her thin, wasted face was enough to bouy me for my long walk.  She has had an operation for gallstones and is mending slowly.  We conversed upon the Gospel which seems a thing of never-ending delight to her.  I read from the bible several passages and we talked of them, applying them to this day and time.  There are three other patients in this ward all interesting in their personalities, and I had a conversation with each, but 115. only for a few moments.  I then set out for home, --- --- call on Sister McCarthy who is ill.  She is one of our Saints.  I found her better and lively as ever  I came home at 5:30 p.m. to find Pres. Duffin had returned from his Southern trip.  I was pleased to see him, his presence does us all good.  At night I attended a cottage meeting in company with Elders Morrison and Shurtliff and Sis. Thomas.  Elder M. and I were the speakers.  We had eleven present; a most attentive audience they proved to be.  After meeting closed, they asked numberless questions.  The family consists of father, mother, two sons, one grown daughter, and two nieces.  They are investigating the Gospel and we hope for some converts there. 

116.  Mar. 10.  This morning was spent in conversation with Pres. Duffin and then studying our Mutual lesson.  The Elders are very helpful and good, so we got along nicely. In the afternoon, Sister T. and I went tracting and revisiting.  I spent a profitable time, had two cottage meetings, and met a few new friends.  Some few were cold and did not take in our tracts.  We invariably find purity and love among the homes where there are little children, and reverse where there are none, and I am sorry to say these last are in the majority.  Pres. Duffin left for home to attend the Apr. conference 117. this evening, and will not be back for four weeks.  His absence is to be regretted, as he is a stimulant to us all.  He will most likely meet some of my friends in Salt Lake, from whom I shall be pleased to hear. 

March 11 - This afternoon, Sister Thomas and I started out for our work after asking for the Spirit of God to attend us, and I can truly say, He answered our prayer for we met with the most decided success, holding four cottage meetings, and were admitted into every home to which we applied.  One lady, Mrs. Col. Cloud who recently was bereft of her husband, was
118. very glad we came, and cordially invited us to return any time we wished.  We spent a very pleasant half hour.  Our sick lady, Mrs. West, is very ill indeed, having the typhoid fever.  Her baby of a year is so good and took immediately to the nurse, and even sleeps apart from his mother.  We met two Christian Science women who are very self-assured and said they knew the bible well.  But when referred to it, they had never seen those passages before!  They, of course, resented the idea that Joseph Smith was favored of the Lord, that he had no vision, etc.  But on the whole, they were quite fair to the Mormon people.  One had been in
Wyoming. 

119.  Mar 17.  The week has passed very swiftly again, with the usual work of canvassing and revisiting.  On Friday last, we held four cottage meetings and three on Monday.  The Lord blesses us in our endeavors to open His work.  Sister T's reading class so far seems to be a failure, but we hope for success.  On the 15th the Elders --- the --- of them there came home from St. Louis, Elder Clayton to go South of --- Larsen to return home.  He looks as if a few more months here would finish him.  His lungs are very weak.  But we all hope this pure mountain air which he is soon to breath, togther with his  home influence will add rapidly to his recovery.  This morning in class

120. we discussed the signs of the time and Christ's coming.  Several taking interest in the discussion.  Fifteen Elders and three sisters were present, the largest class since conference.  Several Elders came in yesterday, some to return home, others to change their field of labor.

March 20.  This is my dear father's anniversary (Note: Benjamin Cluff)- he is today 75 years old.  He is so far away - down in Tobassco, Mexico - and I do not know his address or I would love to write him my congratulations.  He is well mentally and physically bright and active for his age.  Yesterday, Sunday, we spent a very fine day.  Some of the Elders went up to Independence and baptized two people, then had 121. regular services up there.  The remainder of us stayed at home and had good gospel talks around the fire.  In the evening, at the invitation of Elders Stratford and Spilsbury, Sister Boley and I went to dinner at the new restaurant and enjoyed a comfortable meal, then came home just in time for meeting.  Elder Steele addressed us on the Restoration, Wayment on the ministry of Christ.  Sister B. said a few words, also Elders Larson and Livingstone.  These three leave tomorrow for their home in the West, having completed their missions.  I have taken a dreadful cold and feel half sick.  My head pained me and I was awake most of the night. 

122.  March 22nd - 05.  Cold much better today.  Yesterday the homeward-bound Elders got off on the 9:55 train, after a most affectionate leave taking.  We are always sorrowful to part with those who have become endeared to us through trials and struggle and the love missionaries have for each other passeth all understanding.  Elder Livingstone is a man among men, one of nature's noble men and a choice spirit sent to earth in these latter days.  Elders Larson is another.  He has a fine education, and I have learned many things from him.  Our natures are congenial and many a pleasant and spiritual talk we have enjoyed. 

123.  Sister B. is a good earnest worker and when she has learned some more of the lessons of life, self-control etc. she will make a fine woman.  The home has settled down and we are very comfortable and enjoy our work.  Sister T. and I have very good success in tracting and in holding cottage meetings.  Letters from Sisters Nuttall, ---Belle, Layton (Pace) and Sister Maggie all came lately.  They are all encouraging and I thank my Heavenly Father for my many pleasant friends.  This afternoon we had R.S. meeting at Sister Rollins.  And four were present and after singing and invocation, I was asked to speak - which I did on the aims and purposes of this 124. restoration, when, where, and whom it was founded, the --- method to be preserved -- members etc.  Then I spoke of the freedom enjoyed by the women of Utah, their families and homes and recognized them as the uncrowned queen at the American fireside.  After singing and prayer, by invitation we remained for supper, coming in at 5:30.  I wrote a long letter to Sister --- at St. Louis.  Mar. 25th - yesterday Pres. Wootton and ---Clayton came in from Lawrence Co. where they have been visiting among the saints.  They bring a fine influence with them and are 125. very enthusiastic in the work.  I had a good, long talk with each and it has helped and encouraged me.  I love to converse with men who are striving to keep in the right path of their duty, and who love and serve God.  The influence here at the mission headquarters is so good that I hope I may be able to keep it with me for the rest of my life.  And when the time comes for me to go back to my home, that through it I may be able to do much good among the young people or whereever I may be called.  This evening we went downtown to get our supper and stopped into a flower show where the most magnificent 126. flowers were blooming.  We bought carnations, candy, etc. then came home.  Thursday evening some of the Elders bought oranges and bananas and after we had all assembled in the back parlor, we ate our fruit and played games, sang songs and had quite a time until a late hour.  That is the first time I have ever known the missionaries to have so jolly a time.  It comes very seldom.  Why do I not hear from home?  No letters for a long time makes me feel uneasy. 

127.  March 30.  Letters from Thatcher announce that a large party of home-folks will go to conference, Pres. Kimball to represent the Stake, also others of the Stake officers.  What a fine time they will have and how they will enjoy it.  I have heard nothing from Nettie for weeks or from Wallace either.  Why do they not write?  I get so impatient at their silence and I wonder if anything out of the ordinary prevents them from letting me know how they are.  Our work glides smoothly along and in the usual way.  No material change whatever.  Yesterday we held R.S. meeting at Sister Hansen's, the three of us the only ones present.  Something should 128. be done to enliven this Society or it will die out.  Elder Wootton arrived from Lawrence Co. last Saturday and at his request, which was made by Mrs. Weaver, one of the saints in that locality, I went way down Holmes St. and after -- of searching found a daughter of Mrs. W. who has been estranged for years from her mother.  She, Mrs. Rice, seems to be a woman above the ordinary - very pleasant and agreeable.  --- was ill so my conversation was unavoidably short.  But I am invited to return and hope to make her our friend, for apparently she is in need of that commodity.  I also did some tracting and  revisiting alone as Sister T. was indisposed.  Historian Jensen and wife are here, just from Europe where they have travelled extensively in search of genealogy.  She is not the same Sister Jensen I met in St. Louis last summer.  I suppose there are two.  This woman is comparatively young.

March 31st.  This morning Elders Farnsworth and Wootten spoke on character and what should a man cultivate in life to build up and establish a good foundation.  Elder Jensen followed with good and pertinent remarks relative to the duties and offices of missionaries.  Spoke of the different denominations and their conception of God.  Spoke of the 130. experience of the Elders while on the Tonga Islands in trying to establish the Gospel among them.  They declared they would have to work too hard in such a gospel.  That the preachers from Australia had said if they only believed in the Lord Jesus Christ they would be saved.  And when remonstrated with regarding debauchery, vices, etc. they said all that was necessary for them was to pray and they would be forgiven each time.  They would not accept the true gospel and after six years of labor there it was finally abandoned.  Elder Jensen is a fluent and rapid speaker and --- ---.  He has traveled around the world in the interest of records and church history. 

131.  April 1st, 1905.  How well I remember one year ago today in school.  The choir was to sing but not a sound was heard.  Prof. W. said "Well don't you know it?" and started off again but still no sound.  He looked up, too astonished for speech, when all burst out laughing and said "April Fool."  Then in the afternoon I attended by invitation a secret meeting of the "Idiosyncrasies" and it embarassed all the --- I ever heard.  Oh, those were happy days, and I'd hope we may be able to enjoy them together again - the girls and I at school.  This morning at class, Elder M. and I were to speak.  Brother Jensen is so fluent and good a speaker that I hesitate to make any attempt at 132. it before him, and we were both dreading it, when Elder Stratford asked Bro. Jensen to occupy the time.  Elder M. reached over and we shook hands on our escape as we called it.  We listened to a fine talk on the duties of returning missionaries.  How that they, if they will, might work an information among their former associates, by taking with them and keeping the spirit of God which characterizes or should characterize everyone who is so honored as to be thought worthy to fill a mission.  How that they are properly the mouth pieces of popular sentiment, and the means of doing much for the improvement of the Young and the instruments in God hands of bettering not only their brothers and sisters in the family, but all with whom they may associate. 

133.  Two sisters named Haskitt came this morning from a place one hundred miles away to get baptized.  They are earnest and seem to understand the gospel.  Pres. Wootten invited me to go up to Independence to the party where the ordinance is to be performed.

Later:  Today twelve of us, four sisters and eight Elders, took the car for Independence.  Arriving at Uncle Andy's, we found that he had his light rig already hitched up to take us a mile further on to the pond where the baptism was to take place.  Elder Cranny performed the ordinance and the scene was very impressive and beautiful.  We sang two hymns and had prayer at the water's edge.  When it was over, we drove back to Uncle Andy's and had a little 134. meeting; the Elders confirmed Sister Jennie Hackett a member of the Church.  We arrived home at 5:30.  The sisters leave on the 12 a.m. train for their home at Amonette, and Bro. and Sister Jensen this evening at 9.  Today is fast day and we go up to Independence to hold meeting in the Hedrickite church at 3 p.m.

April 3rd.  Our meeting yesterday afternoon was a failure.  After arriving at Independence, we found a number of men collected on the lawn and would not open their church, saying "No polygamist or anyone who believes in that principle came preach from our pulpit."  So we went down to Uncle Andy's house where we had a fine meet ing, 135. Bro. Jensen lecturing on our church history.  Some of the Hedrickites and Josephites formed --- of our congregation.  We had a very interesting and instructive hour, and much information on the early history of the church.  Arrived home just in time to get a bite of supper and prepare for our meeting, where Bro. J. again addressed us, continuing on the same subject.  They left on the 9:30 train for Denver.  This morning in class I addressed the class on prayer and Elder Morrison on authority.  A letter from Nettie yesterday tells me, at last, that all is well at home.  This is comforting to me. 

136.  April 9th, 1905 - My time is really so much taken up it is hard to extract half an hour to write in my neglected journal.  Sister T. being ill, I worked alone the first part of the week and had fairly good success.  On Thursday, accompanied by Lucy we three went over to see Sister Brown who is the Pres. of R.S. and tried to spur her up in her duties.  But I think between the Adventists and Reorganized people they --- fast.  It is --- on what a sandy foundation some of the converts build their faith.  After baptism it seems that unless we visit them constantly, teaching them their duties and obligations, they fall back into the same old rut.  And so it is with her.  I fear she will never recover herself unless she turns a very short corner. 

137.  Our visit, to us, seemed very unsatisfactory, but may possibly be productive of good.  The day previous, I went up to Ind. and, accompanied by Lucy, visited the saints and held two cottage meetings, one at the home of Bro. --- and the other at Sister Hutchinsons.  In my talks, I felt the spirit of God guided me, for not knowing anything of the conditions or circumstances of either family, Lucy said my talk was exactly what was needed at each place.  I enjoyed the day very much, but most of all, that sweet peaceful influence which accompanies us in our ministrations among the saints.  Took dinner at Sister Hines.  They begged me to remain for supper but I could not. 

138.  This Sunday afternoon came the climax to all my fears and dreads.  It was decided to hold a street meeting at 2:30 down the street in the usual place.  This kind of meeting --- to me, bad enough at night, but --- the --- glare of day seemed more than I could really stand.  When will the humiliation of standing there in the street to preach the Gospel and be stared at as we are, leave me?  I never had more humiliating feelings.  So when Elder Morrison called on "Sister Cluff", the first one, if the earth had opened and --- me down I would have felt --- bad - at least it seemed so.  I do not know what I said, something about the freedom enjoyed by the common women, how that they are help-meets and not slaves to their husbands. 

139.  That they are respected and honored wherever known, etc.  A newspaper reporter stood by and took down every word I said, which annoyed me some.  But I got through alive.  Coming home, we stopped in and had some ice cream.  Letters from all my dear ones and friends came this week to cheer me up.  Of all the days, Sunday seems the most lonely to me.  I think of the children and wonder what they are doing and how they are passing the time.  God give me patience and strength to hold out faithful till my time of release comes that I may rejoin them.  A letter from Uncle "H" advises me of the serious illness in Mexico of my dear father, but I hope nothing but what he will recover from. 

140.  Apr. 10 - Sister T. and I have spent a very nice day in tracting.  Met a sweet little woman, a Mrs. R--- who asked me several questions after we had held a little cottage meeting with her.  She believed polygamy was alright only so far as connecting the great social evil, but could not see that it was a divine command or that any other good could result from it.  The people of the world do not realize the moral depravity admitted by such statements.  They are indeed in darkness.  After explanations on this subject, she could see that it was a beautiful principle if supported by the faith we manifest and really believe in its having a divine  141. origin. Another lady who received us very chillingly, melted to tears at our singing and when we spoke of the love of Christ for all men, she said she had been wicked and had no hope of---.  Then it became our pleasure to point out to her the way of forgiveness, by sincere repentance etc. and when we left, she felt calmer and more hopeful, and most cordially invited us to return.  Several other similar experiences we passed, which is to say the least, wearing on our nerves, and we came home very tired, but rejoicing that we had done our duty in the fullest sense of what we understood. 

142.  April 12.  This morning quite early I took the car to Independence in order to do some sewing before the 2 p.m. meeting.  Was received most cordially by Lucy and her mother, got immediately to work, and by the time for meeting, had it finished.  It was a work meeting and we pieced blocks for a quilt.  There were but seven present, but we had an enjoyable time.  "Uncle Andy" hitched up his horse and took us in the buggy to the depot, thus saving us a long walk.  We had stayed for supper and were home just in time to smooth our hair to go to a cottage meeting at Mrs. Gilbert's home, which was very satisfactory.  In class we are 143. studying church history.  This morning I gave that portion which tells of the 8 witnesses to the Book of Mormon. 

April 17.  I was agreeably surprised to meet Jod--Curtis here on Friday evening. He has come to fill a mission in the Central States and I think he will make a good missionary.  He was accompanied by six other Elders all for the same mission.  We had a long talk about schooling the students, our friends and the memorable trip to St. Lawrence.  In tracting we met with several experiences which made a deep impression on me.  I think women are naturally more reverential than men.144. Sometimes we go to the lady's homes, meet with a cordial reception, hold cottage meetings and are warmly invited to return.  We feel perfectly elated over it, and rejoice that we have probably found out one honest soul who will listen to our message.  When all our hopes will be dashed to the ground, on our return visit by hearing, "My husband is much opposed to your returning and I do not desire to displease him, so you need not come again."  And this is quite often.  But thank God not all are so narrow-minded, and although we see small fruits for our efforts, still we have the satisfaction of knowing we do 145. our best and our desires never lag.  The Holy Spirit attends us and if we are faithful and humble the Lord will reward each according to his merit.  Wrote home yesterday.

April 20.  We are having regular April showers.  One hour sunshine and the next rain.  Pres. D. is very busy since he came last March in getting the new missionaries appointed to their new fields of labor.  He brings from Salt lake City such a good and sweet influence that it warams all our hearts and makes a desire in our hearts to serve the Lord more faithfully than before.  He strengthens us in telling of the peace, good 146. will, and unanimity manifested in this last conference. We echo and re-echo the words "We thank thee, O God, for a Prophet."  Our classes are gradually rising to better standards, and more interest and harmony is felt each day.  We are studying Church History still and it is very interesting.  I had Chapter 15 this morning for discussion.  Elder Morrison the next one.  Uncle Harvey writes me the most encouraging letters of any of my people.  His last was extremely interesting. I replied today, April 24th.  yesterday in meeting, or last night, rather, President Duffin spoke most of the time.  He first read the --- in Isaiah concerning the 147. people shall go up to the mountains of the Lord's house to be instructed.  How it has been verified by the last conference where people from every land and clime on this earth were assembled, and for the purpose of being instructed in the Gospel of this Kingdom.  His remarks were splendid and listened to by quite a little body of Saints.  In S.S. he also addressed a few words to us relative to the sacrament.  In the afternoon, Sr. T. and I --- out to the Sumner's home and had a nice little visit.  Irene is a girl of the pure blood of Isaiah, as far as I can judge.  She drinks the Gospel like a thirsty flower.  Our talk - hers and mine - was mostly on the Book of Mormon, and it was interesting to us both.  We 148. walked back in the evening down through Paseo as far as possible, driving home in time for meeting.  So passed another Sunday.  They come very fast and go fast. 

April 30.  So ends April of 1905.  I have had so many letters the last week it will be impossible for me to answer them any time soon, besides I feel that my stay here is short now indeed, and I must put all my time at the disseminating of the Gospel.  Of course this is only my own private thoughts and it may all be false, but I have the thought at any rate.  Last week our tracting was unusual.  On Wednesday we went over to Sister Wilson's house 149. for R.S. meeting and we accomplished quite a task on the quilts, but dear me, such very loud talkers as the sisters are.  Their voices are so highly pitched and so shrill that I really got so nervous I had to leave the room several times.  Oh to be with our more cultivated sisters at home, and feel the gentle grasp of their hand!  Yesterday we went to K.C.K., a long ride it is, too, to see one of the Saints, but did not find her at home.  Our route took us by the hospital - an imposing structure built on a hill and surrounded by a beautiful lawn, and this by a big iron fence.  Its location seems to be in a very healthful one. 

150.  In the early part of the week, a cousin of Mrs. Thomas came from Idaho on business and in the evening he took us to the "Willis Wood" theater where we saw "Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch", and enjoyed the clean cut comedy as well as anything I ever saw.  "Many are cold but few are frozen --- may break, you may scatter the vase if you will, but the scent of the moth-balls will hang around still", and many other quaint and witty sayings were given.  On Thursday evening, I took supper with Dr. and Mrs. Hanson, and spent a most agreeable evening.  On Saturday evening, George Allen came to this mission from Thatcher. 

151.  May 1st, revisited.  May 2nd, Tuesday, Sister T. ill and I went to the Gallery with the Elders and had my photo taken.  Short meeting.  Wed. 3rd.  R.S. meeting at Sister Brown's at K.C.K.  She is so wavering in her relgion it is impossible to put dependence in her, although she is Pres. of the Society.  One day she is a Latter day Saint, the next an Advent and then a Josephite.  When Pres. Duffin comes I think he will straighten matters out.  On Thursday we held a R.S. business meeting here at the mission house at which only four were present.  Elder Grant's father and mother came from Utah yesterday morning.  They are 152. good for people and so home-like. (Note: Pres. Grant visited the mission).

May 8.  On Saturday evening - 6th - all the missionaries visited the commencement exercises of the Central Graduates of the Western Central College.  There were bright lights, beautiful flowers, and throngs of happy-faced people.  The address was given by a Divine --- this city who appropriate remarked at the beginning, "I am glad to fill the cavity of this program", which brought forth a storm of applause.  His remarks were extremely interesting and listened to attentively.  The orchestrated music was simply beautiful.  We have had a most pleasant and instructive visit from Pres. Grant. 153. He is full of the good spirit and sheds its rays around wherever he goes.  On Sunday evening he occupied most of the time during our services with reminiscences of the early days of this church, and related many facts that will go down in history.  The gifts of the Holy Ghost come by faith and not by the will of man, and are sent of God.  Today, Monday, we have been revisiting and held two cottage meetings.  The Lord blesses us in all our outgoings and incomings, for instance, today we seemed to enjoy it in an unusual degree.  We find that the Saints need to be warmed up by a visit now and then, for they seemed to be more cheerful and strengthened in the faith when we left. 

154.  Tuesday, 9.  Today we visited some of the Saints and tracted down near --- Avenue.  An enjoyable time was the result and consequently, we felt built up and strengthened in our testimonies.

Wednesday 10.  One year today since I left home.  Today our R.S. met at Sister McCarthy's and almost finished making a quilt.  There were fifteen sister present and we had arranged to have our photo taken together as a Society, but the President, Sister Brown, was called to the death-bed of her sister-in-law at Leeds, and we did not have it.  The sisters were down from Independence and they were much disappointed.  The day passed very pleasantly and 155. a fine lunch was served.

Thursday 11.  Tracting and visiting as usual.  Sr. Farrington from Southern Mo. came in this morning and desired to locate somewhere here.  But through the advice of the Elders she has concluded to go on and remain in Provo.  She has but one daughter, about 16 years old, whom she wished to educate in our own religion.  The Grants returned from Lathrop this morning where they were visiting a few days, and suddenly left for Utah when we were absent this afternoon.  I felt disappointed not to say good-bye to them for they are fine people and live up to their religion.  Brother Grant is a splendid, 156. kind father to everyone.  They gave me a pressing invitation to come and seem them at East Bountiful.  At our street meeting tonight, there was a large attendance and a very attentive one.

Friday 12.  Held two cottage meetings at Mrs. West's who has been so ill for a long time.  She is very much interested but we think her husband is not willing for her to come out to our meetings.  They seem to be a very loving family, and have two beautiful little boys.  A letter from Sister Martin tells me she feels very much discouraged about going West, and begs me to vist her before I go.  Pres. Wootton has returned from Nauvoo and a trip through 157. He was much disappointed that I did not meet him in Montrose as per calculations.  We have made arrangements to go up to Ind. tomorrow to repair or finish repairing a fence surrounding the property, provided it it does not rain.  Street meeting - large attendance.

Saturday 13.  A steady down pour of rain has kept us indoors all day.  I ran over to Mrs. ___ and finished my waist in the afternoon.  But towards evening it cleared and got mild enough to hold street meetings.  Elder Moon from Nebraska addressed the people, also Elder Shurtliff is coming home.  Mrs. T. and I went and had an ice-cream soda. 

158.  Sunday 14.  I awoke scarcely in time to get down to practice.  Of all things I most dislike is to be late to my duties.  But I was kept up last night surely against my will and could not help it.  We had a good teacher's meeting and Sunday school.  At 2:30 we assembed in the parlor for practice and went down in the street immediately where we were addressed by Elder Morrison.  It was certainly the best sermon I have heard in many a day.  He was blessed with unusual flow of language and such a good spirit the people listened most attentively. 

159.  Monday 15.  This afternoon we went and tracted a large flat, had one cottage meeting and had just succeeded in getting in another place when a high wind struck town.  The sky grew so black that people in the flats feared a cyclone.  The lady was so frightened she asked us to excuse her and we started for home.  Just as we were crossing the street the rain came down in torrents and we ran for the shelter of another flat.  A lady was standing in the door.  We told her who we were and asked to come in but she made an excuse saying the house was torn up in cleaning.  We might enjoy shelter of the arch if we liked, etc.  I verily believe she was afraid of us.  After a little 160. while, the rain ceased somewhat and we came home as quickly as possible, but were so wet that it necessitated a change of linen all through.

May 17.  I dreamed last night that an enemy came here to the mission house, and asked regarding a telegram, but I knew it was only an excuse to try to do me harm, and made up my mind to go quietly away to meeting and perhaps Sister ___ would invite me to remain the night with her and I should be able to elude this enemy who was in the form of a man.  I got quietly out of the house and the next I remember walking a long steet with Will (her brother and wife) and Emma, 161. always keeping a look out that I was not followed.  In passing what seemed like a Post Office, I recognized my enemy among the crowd, but thought he did not see me.  I traveled on, now seeming alone over a lonely road, the ground covered with snow and ice and in approaching a curve where a creek ran, imagine my horror in seeing this man seated upon the bank apparently waiting for me.  The place was lonely.  I could see no human being in sight and as I quickened my step to hurry past, he threw out one of his feet to trip me, but I stepped lightly and quickly by increasing my walk to a run.  He called for me to stop.  I ran on only glancing back to see he was pointing a pistol at me. 

162.  I was very much frightened, but felt intuitively that he really could do me no harm.  I had now a child with me, a boy of about three years, and it seemed to be Wallace.  I loved him and strived hard to keep him as well as myself from the enemy.  The child was perfectly nude, and clung to my hands as if he, too, feared for us.  I was running now across an open level field through the snow.  The child greatly impeded my progress, but I thought our lives depended on reaching a house on a hill in the distance where I knew my friends were, and I should be safe.  I came at last to the foot of the hill and it was so steep -- and slippery that I felt I could 163. never reach the top unless the Lord gave me strength for I was about spent.  So I prayed aloud "O my Heavenly Father, strengthen, support, and help me up this hill."  We began the ascent, the child still clinging tightly to me, and after many slippings and fallings and exertion, we stood on the top.  I had thought if I only gained the top of the hill, the path would be an easy one to the home, but was confronted by a winding, tortuous, slippery, sidling path which was a greater risk to take than any before.  I looked backwards but my enemy was not gaining on me, so breathing a prayer, I began the terrible path.  I felt that the least misstep would be my utter annihilation 164.and that of the child.  Very cautiously, and slowly, I was obliged to feel each step before taking it.  Night was lowering and the light gleaming from the windows ahead I knew would afford the shelter and rest I so much needed and bring me to my friends.  I cannot tell the long time it took us to traverse this path.  Every moment we seemed in imminent danger of slipping into the deep cavern below, but through the great faith I knew I exerted, and my careful, cautious, steps, at last when I felt that I could not go longer, when my breath was spent and my strength gone, I fell across the doorsill unconscious; only realizing that I 165. would be safe from my enemy and that kind faces bent over me, and my child.  Then I awoke.  As a rule, I am not a believer of dreams, but when one so vivid as this, one that makes such an impression for days on my mind, I think they are given as a warning.  My dreams mainly are only imaginings of the brain, something that fade as quickly as it comes.  This is different.  It has haunted me all day, until I resolved to put it in my journal.  I feel that it has been given me as a warning of some dangerous trouble yet to come.  Whatever it is, I hope to be able to exercise the faith I had in my dream, and be able to go through any trial 166. the Lord see fit to put upon me.  This morning I gave the lesson on Church History.  It was most of the 5th Chapter of the 2nd vol. and took 20 min.  The usual time allotted is 10 min. for each speaker.  I had studied hard and had it better than the last.  This afternoon the R.S. met at Sister M. and finished the quilt.  There were seven present.  While we worked, one read from the Young Ladies journal.  Took supper with Sr. M.  Came home and prepared for street meeting, at which Elder Carpenter, Farnsworth and myself spoke.  Quite a good crowd stopped to listen.  Am very tired and will retire.  It is now 9:50 p.m.

167.  Saturday 20th - Yesterday evening while we were all assembled for singing practice in the back parlor, Pres. Duffin walked in, and quite surprised us, for he was not expected until next week.  After the street meeting, we had hopes of some conversation with him, but being very tired, he had gone to bed and this was what we all did as soon as possible.  It takes a continuous effort on my part to keep up, and as the hot weather approaches, it tires me severely.  Going all day and meetings every night, we are never in bed before 10.15, and it is wearing on a person.  Pres. D. occupied the whole time of the class this morning telling us about his trip South among the conferences of the mission. 

168.  His talk was a most practical one and very interesting.  He goes --- this evening for a short time.  We went re-visiting this afternoon among the Sunday school children but found only a part of them at home.  Elder Stratford brought my photos home, but I do not like them as well as the ones I had taken in St. Louis.  But they are fairly good.  Disappointed at getting no letter from home. 

May 22.  Yesterday, Sunday, we accompanied Elders Stratford and Steele up to Independence.  Before S.S., Elder St. took us to the restaurant and we had breakfast - an uncommon thing for us to indulge in, but there would not be sufficient time afterward to catch the car in time for S.S. up at Independence.  He also 169. paid our fare and was very courteous.  We arrived just in time and had a very good school.  A few minutes intermission and then the regular services began for Sunday worship.  Sister T., myself, and Elder Stratford occupied the time.  Nothing particular, but many things in general were touched upon as the Saints were much interested.  We enjoyed an hour's social conversation afterward and a walk out on the lawn and through the garden.  Everything is so green and fresh and lovely, it is new life to get out in the country.  At 6 P.M. we took the car for home and had gone only to Maywood Station, only to find six cars blockaded by one jumping the track.  It reminded me of last summer at the Fair, when we 170. were so often tied up at the entrance and desired to go home in a hurry.  After a wait of two hours or more, we, at last, started, but meeting was nearly out when we arrived at home again.  Miss Hackett who is on her way to Utah, stayed with us for the night.  I went to bed very tired an am scarcely rested this morning, but we enjoyed the day and the change. 

May 24.  Today had a good time tracting in an aristocratic part of town and held three cottage meetings at new places, and had several interesting conversations besides.  Gave out a number of tracts.  Street meeting at night.

Wednesday 24.  We spent today at Kansas City, K. at Sister Brown's, 171. and we finished our quilt.  Several members were present for a wonder.  We were caught in a heavy rain-storm and came home with our clothes saturated.  In the evening, a special meeting was held the back parlor at which Pres. D. spoke in his usual kind way, giving us many new thoughts for reflection.

Thursday 25.  Another good day of tracting; visited a number of homes, held three cottage meetings and gave tracts, cards and papers, street meeting at night. 

Friday 26.  This evening Pres. D. left for Utah.  We disliked to see him go for it will be some time before he returns, six weeks probably. 

172.  Saturday 27.  Just one year today since I came to Kansas City.  How swiftly it has passed away and in looking back it seems impossible that three hundred and sixty five days have been passed in Missouri, Kansas, and Illinois.  I dare almost begin to think of returning to my loved ones.  But I must not think of it.  Letters from all my dear ones have been received and I thank my Heavenly Father that they are all well and in the enjoyment of His blessings.  They are waiting with what patience they can muster for my return.  A letter from Lalia also one from Mattie gave me rather a surprise.  They were very nice and much appreciated by myself. 

173.  28.  Of all my days, Sunday is the most lonely.  We have practices for Sunday School singing at 8 a.m., then prayer.  At 10:30 we assemble for Teacher's meeting - at 11 a.m. Sunday School proper, which lasts until 12:30.  Then go to dinner and back by 1:15.  If it is fair we have street meeting, if not we sit around and enjoy a religious conversation, which I admit is very comfortable.  But when the evening comes on and I see so many people enjoying the fresh air in their buggies, carriages, or autos, my mind goes back to my home and my usual way of spending Sunday evening.  I think they are all out now in their different vehicles, just enjoying themselves immensely.

174.  I almost envy the times they are having, and their association with one another.  I think of each one in turn and know their thoughts are not out here with me, for they have so many at home to love that it takes all their attention.  Oh, well, so be it.  I pull myself sharply together and catechize myself.  Are those, who are sent out here as missionaries, repining?  Am I mourning for my  --- and onions?  Would I change positions if I could?  No to all three questions.  I only pray for grace to fill my mission as becomes a servant of my Heavenly Father, and I hope to do my duty in all things and under all circumstances. 

175.  Monday 29.  Today we visited thirteen houses in tracting and had three cottage meetings.  We meet so many different kinds of people and denominations.  One Christian Science woman said our faith is just like hers from all she has heard, but when several principles were explained to her, she concluded that our belief was quite different.  So many know so little about it, but when "Mormon's" are mentioned, they have heard a great deal.  In our Priesthood meeting tonight, we had a good spirit and all enjoyed it.

Tuesday 30.  All the population of Kansas City seem to turn out to honor the dead, it being Memorial or Decoration day.  It would be no use to go tracting. 

176.  The four of us, Elders Shurtliff and Farnsworth, Sister Thomas and myself, boarded the car and went to Mt. Washington Cemetery.  This is a lovely spot to sleep the "last long sleep".  The grassy slopes are dotted with graves which were covered with flowers, and here and there an old soldier is honored by the Stars and Stripes above him, gently waving in the soft breeze.  No street meeting at night, but four of the Elders went to see "Hamlet" and I learned how to write on the typewriter.  But much practice is necessary to become proficient in this art.  My first effort was to Nettie of course, but I do hate a type-written letter to myself.  It does not seem natural as if the hand I love had penned it.  It was eleven p.m. when we returned. 

177.  Wed. 31st - This morning Bro. Pyne from Provo stopped on his way home from Washington, where he has been studying medicine.  He is well acquainted with my Provo relatives, and we had some conversation about them.  He is a fine singer, and is in one of the famous quartets known as the Pyne and Boshard quartet.  I sent messages to my people by him.  We had Relief Society meeeting over to Kansas City, Kansas.  Sister B. is still on the fence.  I think she is very unstable, and not a Latter Day Saint at heart.  Only four were present.  We had dinner and came home about 5:30.  Street meeting.  The Reorganites are stirring themselves up, for when we went down to our usual place, one of them was preach 178. ing, hard as he would lay it off.  He stopped and gave way to us, however, Elders Spilsbury and Hickenlope occupied the time, and just as soon as we dismissed, one of their band jumped up and requested all to stay, that he wished to talk on organization.  We left immediately, so we have no controversy with them.  On coming home we found that a bridal company occupied the parlor, while the contracting parties, Mr. Preater and Miss --- or rather Mr. and Mrs. Preater went out on the porch having a little private talk.  Mr. and Mrs. Jus. Crookston of Logan were here.  After they left, we made Elder Stratford give us a quarter and we had a lemon ice in honor of the bride, but she did not know it.  She is not quite sixteen, and about as green as they make them. 

179.  June 1st.  A letter from Lalia informed me that Bessie (Note:  Bessie Merrill, her sister) has another boy, and is doing well.  Lalia is staying with her, and Eliza had just left.  I am thankful it is all over. 

Sunday June 4th.  On Friday evening we were surprised by receiving a telegram from Emma Ramsey, the beautiful singer from Utah.  She was on her way home from the East, and desired the presiding Elder to meet her at the depot, which he did.  She remained with us two days and nights, and we kept her busy singing while here.  She went to street meeting with us and her beautiful voice attracted much notice.  She left last evening. 

180.  We have several new Elders for this mission, some of whom are greatly prepared for their work, others very ignorant.  But I find out that the Heavenly Father fits and prepares them for his work by slow degrees, and there is no better school for young men.  Yesterday we went re-visiting and held three cottage meetings on a most enjoyable afternoon.  On Friday, I went out alone, my companion having gone to Independence, and surely, the Lord blessed me.  I had a conversation with a holiness man who firmly believes he is saved and gave me the date.  He had read all about the Mormon people and of course the wrong side.  He seemed a little more lenient 181. after an hour's talk.  I told him he could not speak disrespectfully of one whom I revered as I do the memory of the prophet Joseph Smith in my hearing, and bore him my testimony to the divinity of his mission.  He invited me to return.  I went to Mrs. North's, a lady who is very favorable to our people, and while conversing with her, an old colored woman came in and asked me what sect I belonged to and if we had come to bring our gospel to her people.  I satisfied her on the first, and told her we were not sent particularly to the colored people, whereupon she flew into a rage and said "I knew your religion was from the devil for the Gospel of Jesus Christ is for everybody."  In vain, I attempted 182. to reason with her and tell her the time had not yet come, but her passion was something terrible.  Mrs. N. told her to go as she had been drinking.  She would not, so we went into the parlor and left her on the porch when she soon left.  This is my first experience with a Negro.  This one said "I get my revelation straight from Jesus Christ, I talk with him face to face."  Mrs. N. told me afterwards that the woman was perfectly sober, but was a shouting Methodist.  Today is fast-meeting and a day of peace and rest.  May the Lord help us to honor this day, and worship him in spirit and in truth.

9:30 - We had no street meeting today 183. on account of the heat, but had a good rest, and at regular services in the evening were addressed by Elder Shurtliff and Stratford, there being quite a number of investigators present.

Monday 5th - Today while tracting we met a man with whom the Elders have talked in regard to the Latter Day religion.  He declares the Book of Mormon a fake, Joseph Smith a false prophet, and all of it a hum-bug.  But there is something about him that I believe he will yet join the church.  He is very hospitable to the Mormons, and begged us to return again and talk with him.  Obtained access in his place once, but had fine cottage meeting at both.  Our usual Priesthood meeting in the evening. 

184.  Tuesday, June 6th, 1905 - On this morning I went to Ind. to hold a meeting with the R.S. of that place.  I took some sewing and went early, thereby finishing my waist before meeting time.  Began at 2:30 up to Sr. Preater's where she had a relative visiting who told me of her experiences which were very interesting.  I feel that the Lord blesses me in conducting these meetings and gives me words to say in my time of need.  We had a good meeting.  I talked with a sister who is trying to procure a divorce from her second husband.  One would think after a second trial and unsuccessful ones both - that a woman would be disgusted and give it up.  But the women who have been raised out in the world treat the sacredness 185. of the marriage relation very light as I have had occasion to remark many times while in Missouri.  This woman of whom I speak, will marry a man, or boy, this time years her junior, just as soon as her divorce is granted.  To me there is something so disgusting - so revolting in this idea, I cannot express myself without indignation.  I tried to show her with what sanctity the L.D.S. held the marriage covenant and how careful we should be in choosing our life companion - for who has had a more bitter experience than I, and I speak from actual knowledge, not only for life but for all the ages of eternity.  I think she was impressed with what I said, but whether any good results from it, only time will tell.  She already has 186. three children by two husbands.  Uncle Andy drove me to the depot in his "One-Horse-Sleigh", and I got home just as they were ready for the street meeting.  Whether the heat, long walk, or over-doing myself was the cause I do not know, but just as we were ready to begin our meeting, I went suddenly blind and fell over in a faint, the first I have had since leaving home.  After coming to, I exerted all the willpower I could muster to control the deadly sickness which threatened several times to overcome me, and remained throughout the meeting.  Was alright next day.

Wednesday June 7th.  The R.S. met and we quilted our second quilt.  The Elders were delighted and all had a chance 187. to sew.  The dinner passed off very pleasantly.  Mrs. Dusard called in the afternoon with her daughter.  At street-meeting I was asked lots but cannot remember what I said except something on faith.  This is quite a trial to me yet, but hope to overcome it by faith and diligence.

Sun. June 11.  Another Sunday is here.  I wonder how all my dear ones are today - my thoughts always return to them on the sabbath. This morning I had to exert myself before I could make up my mind to get up.  I did double duty yesterday in doing all my washing and a part of the ironing.  Sr. T. having a sore throat, we did not go to street meeting last night. 

188.  June 17.  This week has been full of the blessings of the Lord to me in a spiritual sense.  In tracting, revisiting, cottage-meeting and my lessons here.  Have spoken twice in street meetings and felt that the Lord did indeed bless me, both in fortitude and words.  On Wednesday when we arrived at Sr. Macintosh's for R.S. meeting, we were much too early.  A colored school across the way was holding their commencement exercises, so I went over, never before having the privilege of even seeing a school of that kind.  I was highly entertained with the antics of the negroes.  The principal gave me the seat of honor, I being the only white woman in the room, and in making his report, addressed 189. the greater part to me.  He said the negroes were coming to the front, shoulder to shoulder with the whites.  That his graduating class could wade into mensuration like a picaninny eating pie, and his speech was sublimely ridiculous in many ways.  Spoke of his own graduation from a Topeka College twenty years ago, and had taught all the time since --- had -- a wide experience of humanity, etc.  I stayed about half an hour when Mrs. M. sent for me to come to lunch.  On Thursday I visited the M.T. H.S. where they held their commencement exercises.  One hundred and seventy graduates were seated on the stage in two, solid square bodies, boy and girl alternately, like men on a checker-board.  They indeed looked 190. very beautiful, the girls in white and boys in black.  Palms and flowers ornamented the stage and each one had a beautiful bouquet.  The program was very much as we have seen, the singing not nearly -- or beautiful.  There was nothing whatever out of the ordinary, except the vastness of it all.  This brought back all my enthusiasm and I thought I was in school again.  It will be a great pleasure for me when I can go back to the school room again and my health remains good.  One letter from Nettie this week and one from Sr. Webster came - nothing particular in either. 

June 20.  Elder Shurtliff was released from his mission and started home tonight on the 6:30 191. train for Utah.  We all loved him very much and will miss him greatly, especially in the singing.  We had no time for a party or farewell of any kind.  Two Elders from the Southern States passed through today, one from Provo, Elder Snow, who is acquainted with all my people there.  Irene desires baptism and no doubt her parents, who are not her parents in reality, will soon consent.  She is a sweet little girl, a thoroughbred "Mormon."  Our street meetings are getting to be very interesting, and a great many stop to listen attentively.  Tonight we had a large turnout.

192.  June 25th.  Sunday again comes around, a day of rest.  It is very warm in --- and a hot wind blowing.  A letter from Nettie came this morning and I was delighted to get it.  In Sunday School we had a chapter on authority, and it was thoroughly discussed by members of the whole class.  Pres. Duffin unexpectedly returned to the mission this morning, and we were pleased to see him after a four week absence since 27th.  This day inaugurates my fourteenth month in the mission field and it hardly seems possible that the time goes so swiftly.  This morning, Elder William Flake of Arizona passed through on his way 193.  home after a two year mission in the Southern States.  We had a nice friendly conversation about the people and places we know.  His home is in the Northern part.  Last night at Priesthood meeting, Pres. Duffin spoke after we had given our reports, and his words were of a character to build us up in our work.  We always feel strengthened after his talks. 

July 3.  This is another fast day.  How soon the months roll around.  We had a good teachers and sunday school meeting this morning.  Brother Ellsworth of the N. S. mission is spending the day here.  We have had torrents of rain this morning which will materially affect the river.  Everything looks green and fresh. 

194.  I was confined to the house two days with sick headache - the worst attack I have had for two years or more.  Our work, otherwise, was interesting as usual, consisting of the tracting and revisiting.  Street meetings are a growing feature of our labor here in Kansas.  The way seems warming up in every way for spreading the Gospel.  Our meetings are well attended and a respectful crowd stays out.  The adversary is ever on the alert to insinuate his opposition, and the organized people are doing all they possibly can to undo the good work.  On Friday evening, Pres. Duffin spoke and bore a powerful testimon of the prophets, and the Latter day work.  As soon as our meeting was over, a Josephite jumped up and declared Pres. Duffin had not spoken the truth.  We always 195. leave just as soon as "Amen" sounds as we did on this occasion.  He shouted "The wicked flee when no man pursueth", then he vilified the Mormons to his heart's content, to all who would remain and listen to his tirade, which I am happy to say were but few except some of his own crowd.  Pres. D. heard of it and next evening he got up before a large crowd and such a whipping I never heard a man get as did the Re-organized man.  The President apologized to the intelligent men and women assembled for being obliged to refer to anything so vile and filthy as the words uttered by the speaker on the previous evening.  But there are times when it is absolutely necessary to defend our positions and this was one, and we had been calumniated and 196.  --- for five years here in K.C. and said nothing.  Now, he proposed to lay the plain facts before the people.  --- if those present had, under any circumstances, see a more --- in any of the missionaries have under his charge not becoming a lady or gentleman.  Called the attendance of those present to the fable of the "mosquitoe and the buffalo", and the "dog and the moon", which were such good illustrations of the existing conditions, it brought smiles of approval from the hearers.  His remarks were listened to intently by all and when he said "If this man does not repent and stop his warring against the Saints, the hand of God will fall heavily upon him," there was a breathless stillness.  The man himself sat behind some of those 197. standing up, conversing in the corner, in a very nervous condition.  I thought Pres. D. said "Evil communications corrupts good morals," so that is why we do not remain when our meetings are over to hear this man speak.  Just as soon as "Amen" is sounded, the man jumps up, but the crowd dispersed, all but a few of his contemporaries.  We came home and let him have the floor.  But this faction has wanted a quarrel for a long time, but we came to preach the Gospel and not contend, for the spirit of God is one of peace and harmony, not strife and contention. 

July 3.  We have a very poorly attended Sunday School on account of the heavy storm of 198. wind and rain coming up at ---o'clock, and lasting the entire day and evening.  Instead of meeting, Pres. Duffin had us all group ourselves around him in the parlor and he read to us splendid sermons, one of Brigham Young, and the other of Joseph Smith's.  As they both had a bearing upon our work, we listened most attentively, and a conversation ensued which was very instructive.  No one came --- and the whole evening was taken up in discussing the principle of this, our holy religion. 

Tues. July 4th.  At 11 a.m. we took our picnic and the whole company boarded the car for Fairmount Park.  On arriving there, we found the beautiful 199. park alive with pleasure-seekers.  We spread out luncheon on the grass and had a merry time eating it.  We then proceeded to investigate the grounds further and walked until tired out.  At 6 p.m. we came home, or most of us, some staying for the evening.  On arriving home, we found Pres. D. all alone and talked with him around the lunch-table until quite late, then retired, fit subjects for repose.

July 5th.  We went to K.C.K. (Note:  Kansas City, Kansas) to the Relief Society meeting at Sister B's, then home and prepared for our street meeting which was a most successful one; the men who had been so much a nuisance being conspicuous by their absences. 

200.  July 9th Sunday - How rapidly the weeks roll around, and as each one passes, I realize that I have but a few more weeks to remain in Missouri.  When the time of my departure comes, shall I be overjoyed?  I scarcely know.  Conditions at home may be such that I may wish I had remained longer.  Who can tell the future or what it holds for us?  Brother McFarlane from St. George, and whom I met at the Fair last summer, is visiting here today on his way home.  He and Pres. D. have gone to Independence.  A letter from my Nettie came this morning, to help pass the day.

Tuesday.  July 11.  I made the rounds among six families of the Saints today, 201. and held three cottage meetings, enjoying it very well.  They are not energetic in their duties and it is very hard to get them to see what blessings they are denying themselves by staying away from their meetings and neglecting their privileges.  It was late when I came home, but went to street meeting.  Last night in Priesthood we voted to celebrate the 24th of July, our Pioneer Day, at Fairmount Park, and invite all saints and friends. 

July 12.  Held Society Meeting at Armoundale, at Sister Williams'.  The day was very warm and I always get a severe headache from the poisoned atmosphere of the packing houses.  The weather, until today, for this past week has been very cool.  The river is high.

202.  Thursday - July 13.  Today we went to Englewood to visit Mr. and Mrs. ---.  They are kind people and treated us lovely.  We came home loaded with vegetables and a loaf of home made bread.  We drove around the coiuntry for a few miles among the great Elms and Ash and other trees centuries old.  How grand and noble a tree looks, with branches towering to the sky!  We did enjoy the drive and were invited back to visit again.  Got excused from meeting tonight because I was really ill with sick headache.

July 20.  Another week has passed and not a word written in my journal.  So many things occur, too, that I should be so glad to read and remember 203. in the years to come.  On Saturday last we went to Lansing and visited the only L.D.S. in the whole city, Mrs. Hartsmer, who is an old lady living all alone in a large house.  She was overjoyed at our coming and we held a cottage meeting with her.  Before leaving she presented us with two --- each and Sister T. a little time piece.  This week is, as usual, very warm for us to go out, but we try to do just as much as usual.

Juy 25.  Yesterday we took our picnic and went out to Fairmount Park to celebrate the Pioneer Day.  About 150 persons assembled in that park and all arranged their dinners on tables provided for this occasion by the Park overseer.  Everything good to eat was had and an enjoyable time participated in.  Pres. Duffin 204. spoke on "Utah and the Nation"; was a principal event of the program.  I was asked to read a poem which I did.  This day was an unqualified success and everyone voted it so.  Came home --- at 8 p.m. - found no one here but Pres. D.  He went out and got a melon which we ate in the kitchen and we had a good heart-to-heart talk.  What a noble and good man he is.  He is truly a man of God.  He spoke so well on Sunday night on the restoration of the Gospel.  Elder Bert Merrill spoke in the Kanalea language.  This morning, Pres. D. said in class that the sisters soon would be released which gave me less pleasure than I had thought.  Am I glad?  Am I sorry?  It is hard to tell, my, that's -- so contradictory.  Nothing will exceed my joy to again be with 205. my loved ones, and yet I have spent so many happy hours in the mission field, and it has brought me great peace of mind.  There is a contentment accompanying honest missionary life that is to be found nowhere else than in the actual doing of the work.  "Sweet is the peace the gospel brings."   The knowledge that one is engaged in the redemption of man in the bringing of light where only before was twilight, the ambassador of eternal principles to those who live by temporal ones, should be incentive enough to everyone who goes out into the world with a commission to preach the Gospel of the kingdom.  Not a church can compare with that of the L.D.S. for common sense, devotion, simplicity, earnestness, and sincerity. 

206.  Aug. 3rd - We are finishing up our work preparatory to leaving the mission.  The Elders have accompanied us to the homes of our friends --- to get acquainted with them, that they may carry on this work we have begun.  We have had times of rejoicing and held many splendid cottage meetings.  Elder Stratford has gone and we miss him, as we do all who have gone before him and been so faithful.  On the 1st of this month, the Macauly girls visited us on their way from St. Louis to Salt Lake City.  They were assisted in transportation by the church.  They are very pleased to go.  That same day, Elder Farnsworth accompanied one to Ind. to visit the R.S. and we had a splendid time.  3 cottage meetings.

207.  That night I witnessed a great fire down on Grand.  It was a magnificent sight yet a terrible one.  The rain fell, but the stone house went up in smoke and flames.

Sat. Aug. 5 - I was sent for to come to the parlor today and what was my pleasure and astonishment to find there Bp. and Sr. Welker of Ariz., old friends of mine.  We were mutually pleased and had a nice, long talk of home.  They are on their way to Portland via Chicago and expect to take the trip leisurely, being home by Sept. 1st.  My work today has been pleasant among the saints and investigators.  Have held three cottage meetings and many conversations. 

208.  Sunday. August 6, 1905 - This morning, Bp. W. invited me to accompany himself and wife to Ind. but as we had made a previous engagement I was obliged to forego the pleasure and went to see Mrs. Shamloo who is very ill.  In meeting tonight, Pres. Duffin announced that the sisters are released from their labors here to return to their homes, which caused a feeling of rejoicing in one heart at least.  It was, however, tempered with regret at leaving the Elders with whom so much affection had sprung up in the short time of our acquaintances and also the saints who have become endeared to us.  They shared much regret at our release, and some of them with tears in their eyes. 

209.  Aug. 7.  Today we wound up our missionary work by taking the Elders and introducing them to our remaining friends, holding cottage meetings and talking on the Gospel.  Pres. Duffin said this evening we were to work no more but prepare to go home and have all in readiness by Wed. morning. 8th. I went downtown this morning to buy a few things necessary for my traveling, and at 11 a.m. joined Sr. T. and together we went to Sr.B's. over in K.C.K. for dinner according to a previous invitation.  We found a sumptious repast awaiting us and enjoyed an hour or two of a visit with her.  She feels that the R.S. will fall through now, but we talked and encouraged her to keep it alive, pointing out the importance 210. of a R.S. in Jackson Co. - the promised land.  She felt better and declared her desire to go to wrok with renewed energy.  We returned home, packed our trunks and performed the hundred and one little things necessary for so long a journey.  It was announced that there would be no street meeting for that evening, so at 8 o'clock we assembled in the parlor for a little social.  It was opened by singing and prayer, then Elder Morrison made a little speech on "The Lady Missionary".  Pres. Duffin followed and they said so many good things I began to think we were very good sisters.  Elders Farnsworth and Smith each sang a solo, then I was 211. asked to speak.  I thanked them all for their kindness to me and for the lessons I had learned from each, for the strength and the support received from all.  I then read a dream, supposed to have come to me the night previous, looking forward twenty years which was received with most extravagant applause.  After another speech or two, we adjourned to the dining room where all kinds of fruits, cakes, and ice cream were served in fine style, and all seemed to enjoy themselves to the utmost, keeping in mind that we are servants of the Lord, and not a word, tone, or look was --- in unbecoming to an ambassador of the Gospel.  We were presented 212. with a beautiful, little copy of Whitten's poems, leather-bound, from the Elders and a copy of the new edition of the Book of Mormon by Pres. Duffin, also his photo.  We were the recipients of many little tokens of love and esteem by the saints who felt much regret at our leaving.  At 11 p.m. we all said good night and retired, for the morrow would be a momentous one to us in that we had finished our mission and felt that we could now depart in peace for our far-off distant homes.

Aug 9.  All the good-byes have been said, not without a few tears, and accompanied by Elders Morrison, Spilsbury and Farnsworth, we arrived at the depot in good 213. time, find a good seat, deposit our trunks in a safe place, say goodbye to them and we are moving to the West.  The day was very warm and the motion of the car made me feel quyite ill for several hours, but as evening came on, and we neared the mountains, were much revived by the cool air.  We passed a comfortable night in our berth, arriving at Denver at 9 a.m. where we remained with Pres. and Sr. McRae for twenty-four hours.  Their home is the headquarters of the Colorado Mission and we were pleased to meet the Elders and sisters who are working in the city.  They all seem very ---  their duties, earnest and energetic.  Sr. M. made us feel at home at once and we enjoyed 214. our stay in Denver very much.  I took the train at 8 a.m. the morning of the 11th.  How beautiful and clear the air and water of our own beloved Rocky mouintains and how lovely to pass swiftly from a gorge to the open plain, then through a tunnel, and over a bridge, each in rapid succession, knowing every moment was bringing us nearer our loved ones.  My heart was full of praise and thanksgiving to my Heavenly Father for his goodness to me in so many different ways.  Saturday the 12th at 11:30 I arrived in Ogden, took the 22nd car and was soon at Maggie's (Note: youngest sister) receiving a warm welcome from all.  Gertie was visiting with them and we will enjoy a few days of visiting before going further north. 

215.  Tuesday 15.  We took a ride up the canyon last evening and I truly enjoyed it - the pleasant, cool air, the grand scenery, the clear water, and all that was to be.  This morning I received letters from home, also from Sr. Boley.  I met Elder Shurtliff and Nettie McKay, both of whom were my former companions in the missionary field.  We were pleased to renew our old acquaintance, and talk of old times. 

Friday 18thg.  Yesterday morning at 6 o'clock, Nettie McKay came for me to go home to make her a visit.  We drove through Ogden Canyon in the early morning and the breeze became so cool and strong, I was obliged to wrap up in a shawl as well as my coat.  We arrived in time for breakfast after receiving a cordial greeting from Sen. McKay and the members of the family.  They are lovely people, well versed and greatly interested in the Gospel.  Their conversation was of that character to strengthen and elevate the mind.  In the evening the Senator himself drove me over to the farm and the drive, the air, the balmy evening, was greatly appreciated.  I left them next day with regrets on both sides and with a promise to visit them again some day.

20th - Arrived here in beautiful Logan, finding Bessie (Note: her sister, Bessie Merrill) at Eliza's (Note: sister, Eliza Hobson) and a warm welcome 217. awaiting me from both.  Oh how I love my good sisters.  May the Lord smooth their path before them and help them to keep firm in the faith.  I find my relatives from Salt Lake here and we are enjoying each other's company very much.  Logan is such a cool place with pure air and water.  I am being much benefitted by the visit.

22.  Never have I enjoyed a visit in this place better.  We talk all the time, reminding each other of the days of our girlhood and hopes of the future.  I find Gertrude a beautiful girl in spirit and disposition and encourage her to work hard at school this year and join me next year to teach.  Her mother falls in with our views.  Yesterday afternoon, we went 218. to cousin Mattie's to a dinner in my honor.  A few of my friends were present and we had a most enjoyable evening.  Supper was served in four courses.  Eddie and Leah were there. 

25th.  Last night we were invited to --- the birth of Bro. and Sr. L. little son and enjoyed it very much.  Went riding every day this week.  Was invited to speak in the Logan T. last Sun. and told some of my experiences while on my mission.

26th.  Arrived in Richmond today, and welcomed by Bessie and Willard.  Jud took me up.

28th  Spoke in the meeting house Sun. at the invitation of the Bp.  Had a good flow of the Spirit, and was listened to attentively.  The Bp. made the statement that I was the first returned lady-missionary to speak in their  219. meetings of that ward.  Came back to Logan Sun. evening, and found that they had sent my ticket to Salt Lake to get the time extended, so I cannot leave as soon as I thought.  I must go immediately when it comes. 

29.  The ticket came today, good until Sept. 10, but I feel that I must go home tomorrow morning.  Gertie and I were out for a drive this morning.  I went with my sister to see and visit Aunt Zina Card and was cordially received.  She is a very lovely woman.  She showed us many relics of her father's and the Prophet's; spectacular drawings, emblems, etc.
 

[Copied from the missionary journal of Josephine Cluff Kimball by David R. Phillips (great-grandson).  Finished on May 15, 1994]

                                                                                         

 

 
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